6 July 2001

I'm sick. :(

It seems I never fail to catch a summer cold. It doesn't matter that I take daily vitamins or that I don't know one person with a cold...or can recall coming into contact with sickly people....but does it matter? I am sick.

After work last night, I decided it was time I write a report that was due today(Friday).....So around 2:30AM I started writing, and it just hit me. I've never had a cold come on so strong, all of a sudden I was blowing my nose every five seconds, and trying to ward off body chill and what not. Even after I finished my report, I couldn't sleep, and just laid in my bed, tissues by my side groaning that it was after five AM and I had to get up early.

Hopefully it won't last long. I'm drinking lots of water today. :)

Although, the plan is to go to a club tonight and possibly party with some of Jeff's friends. We didn't get to go to the Deep Dish show awhile back, because they cancelled. Tonight is D:Fuse who toured with Oakenfold, and he was pretty good. And hey, he's got an accent, and wears a cowboy hat. You can't beat that combo.

I don't think Jeff is very interested in rolling, because he doesn't want to stay up all night and be tired the next day. But after four hours of sleep, I'm not sure if I'll make it, since we both have to work tonight, and won't get to the club until after midnight probably. Hey if he ends up getting some, great, if not, I'll still have a good time. I haven't danced in forever. And I'm sure D:Fuse will put on a good show, no matter what. Now...I just need to find out if this club is 18+ or 21 and up. If it's the latter....have fun Jeff, see ya later. ;)

Damn. I just looked up the club, they are 21 and over. I need a fake. This sucks. I wouldn't even drink (even if I wasn't on E) I just hate not being able to get in places, when Jeff and all of his friends are 21+. Well, at least I didn't call off work. Boo.

I just discovered Ebay. That place is too much fun. I wanna sell something, just to see if anyone would buy. :) I'm trying for two things right now...one is a messenger/bookbag and the second is an old board game. So far no one wants the boardgame, so I'm set to win at 99 cents ;) I'm betting on a bunch of different messenger bags (one at a time until I'm outbid of course) because there are alot of the same brand, but different colors and what not. Hopefully the prices don't get too high. I just found one I liked that you can automatically buy for a set price (this is only available until someone places a bid) which I want to do....I'm just waiting to be out bid for another bag I already bid for earlier. I doubt it'll be much longer...it's already at my max bid, and this thing keeps going higher. If not, er, I'll still have a bag. ;)

I hope it's big enough for books and stuff. It's hard to tell, and pictures can be deceiving. But I have the ugliest bookbag to begin with, and I really like the new messenger bag style anyway. Assuming I don't get something too outrageous (color wise) I can continue to use the bag later in my life, so it's a little classier than a bookbag.

My fourth of July was okay. My family needs to pick a new date for us to get together with my dad's side. We only see them once a year...on the fourth--and I have no problem hanging out or what not, but I wish it didn't have to the fourth of july. I used to really get into it (especially having a best friend with a birthday on it, when I was younger) but I don't want to spend it with family, I want to be with friends! And now, with a boyfriend, it could be really romantic, to just pop a squat and watch fireworks together.

I guess Jeff's friend has a huge 4th july party every year, and it's basically in the backyard of where they set off fireworks, so it's a great location. Jeff started drinking at 6 in the morning.

I didn't get there until around 8pm. It wasn't a bad time. This guy's parents must have spent a lot of money, because the beer & liquor was free-flowing, and there were tons of young people, and "parent types" alike drinking and socializing. I managed a fun beer buzz, and the fireworks were good. A quickie back at his house and we were both ready to crash (him especially after not having slept!) It wasn't the most exciting fourth, but I'm glad Jeff called me a few times throughout the night convincing me to come over (even so late) than just staying at home moping at my parents for making me stay when I wanted to go earlier. ;)

I'm such a bitch, I hope my kids don't act with such disrespect to me when I'm their mom. (But I'm sure my kids will ;)

Jeff was telling me about how he had a dream that I got pregnant, and my mom was really angry with him. Actually, I think my mom would be really supportive, because as a woman, she would understand the fear and confusion of pregnancy. Not that pregnancy has to be a scary thing...but as a young women, being pregnant at twenty is a scary thing. My dad on the otherhand would probably be really upset. Not like he would disown me or Jeff, but I think it would really throw him a loop. Not that my mom wouldn't be disappointed either, but I think she would let the "I told you so's" slide, and instead focus on what my next step would be.

I hope I would have the guts to keep the child and carry the pregnancy. It would completely change my life taking me in this whole other direction I haven't planned for. Jeff just told me how he was just trying to do whatever would be best for me in the dream. Quitting school and getting a job or whatever.

I wouldn't let him do that. If someone would have to drop out, I would. He has so much awesome potential, and he's worked so hard to be in his design program. He'd definitly be better off once he graduated than I would be. Maybe if I was really driven, and knew exactly what I wanted to do, and how to get it, I would want to be the one to stay in school and get my degree--not that I don't want to, and I hope, once I'm in my program I'm really inspired to go in a direction, but for now, I don't have that drive. I don't know what I want to do with my life.

I wonder if he would want to marry if that happened. He is catholic. I don't think I would let him. I would want to wait until he graduated (that's two years). If we were still okay after that, then yes I would want to. I just wouldn't want to marry, just because of a pregnancy...even if we are in love right now. So much could change in two years--and especially if that involved a child.

Well, I hope his dream wasn't a prediction ;) I think it's just something that both of us have on our minds from time to time, because it *is* a possibility even if you don't want to think about it.

Well, I hope I get better, and make lots of $$$ at work tonight. :) Bye.