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Recap of 2012

05 January 2013

So I have identified the major reason why I no longer journal. Jeff.

The problem is we have a shared office space and we're right on each other. We're home bodies and spend a lot of time on our computers so we're practically always side-by-side. Most of the time this is fun and we like sharing the different things we're found or are working on. But journaling is a private experience. He will see my typing and will ask what I'm working on and I don't have a good answer other than "oh, emails..." (and switch screens). Even if I really was working on an email why would I be typing so much and for so long?

So I'm thinking about my diary entries constantly. I am always writing them in my head but never have a private opportunity to actually write them down. I'm not sure how to get around this.If I were a laptop person I could simply tap away somewhere outside our office. But I'm not. I have a laptop but I only use it when I travel so it would look odd to start using one now.

I could of course tell him I journal but I think he would be too curious to let it go and I don't want him reading this. I don't want anyone I know reading it because diaries are too personal. They're also too one-sided. I could describe a moment of time that is more of a splash of emotion than a capturing of reality. I may feel completely differently the next day. Or not even, maybe in the next hour my story has changed. I wouldn't want someone to read too deeply into an experience.

I also tend to write when I'm moody and emotional. I would hate for someone to read my journal and think that's all I am. So I'm not sure what the solution is to be able to write more other than to simply write and trust he won't go digging. We'll see.

A quick 2012 recap:


  • Partner relations on the job stepped into a new level as I visited companies directly at their corporate HQ. It was also the first time I flew somewhere and flew back the same day.
  • I slowed in many ways at the job. I found myself dragging and hidden. I felt that I had zero accountability to anyone. I also had too many projects in too many different areas and overall just too much to do. The things I wanted to work on I always felt guilty turning to because they were never the priority. The year ended with us making less than we hoped. I don't think I was directly responsible....the market had finally caught up to us and we had less exhibitors and sponsors were spending less. Even so I felt bad that my department didn't post the numbers we had expected. I think as an organization we could have done more. Of course, I'm a department of one and I have no resources and no support. So while I felt bad about the numbers I also felt bitter and frustrated with the circumstances.
  • I survived Dr. B. and my joint/international program that was hosted in Hawaii. It was probably the hardest I've ever had to work. It felt pretty good when the program finally finished and everyone was happy. I handled every aspect of this conference --both the logistics with the property as well as all of the educational programming, the registration brochure, onsite program and event website. Crazy. Jeff flew out and joined me after the program was over. HI has a dreamy quality that is hard to capture with words. I understand why people fall in love with it and want to travel back.
  • I trained through the winter, running a half-marathon in January and the Big Sur Marathon in the spring. The beautiful views with crashing waves on the left and rolling green on the right were incredible. It was also nice to have shared a long weekend with Kathryn out in CA.
  • I attended the Wavefront Music Festival on the beach in Chicago. A beach party with progressive house? How could anyone say no? I had a really good time and was turned on to the work of Guy Gerber; a name I had heard of in passing but didn't fully appreciate. Of course, a closer with Sasha with a fairly intimate crowd was awesome.
  • I ran my sixth Marathon in October. Running a mere 20 seconds slower than my time in Columbus the year prior. I know I'm nearing my [speed] limit but I think there's more work to be done. For doing a bare minimum training schedule I think I should feel pretty good about the time! It was the hottest summer in Chicago with plenty of days in high 90s+. It's kind of crazy that I actually trained through those afternoons of hot, hot, hot.
  • I QUIT MY JOB at the end of October. Applying and interviewing for a new position was stressful but overall I was pleased with how simple it seemed. I was perhaps a little too excited about the opportunity and just relieved that someone actually liked me and wanted me. Unfortunately, my new job has some major problems. But, it looks great on paper :) I think there is room to learn and definitely network with all kinds of people in the industry so I'm going to try hard to make my mark and make the most of it. The job itself is not awful but there is a lot going on structurally that makes this group dysfunctional. It feels like a case study on what not to do. I'm sure there's a lesson for me to appreciate here. I just hope I can improve upon what we have rather than just settle into it because it's easier to not resist.
  • I traveled to Sydney, Australia and all throughout the North and South islands of New Zealand. It was one of those trip of a lifetime experiences and I feel so lucky and blessed to have gone. It was definitely the most expensive trip we have ever done. It's a shame I didn't get that holiday bonus (due to having switched jobs) because that would have really helped!
  • I went off the pill at the end of December. I am excited and scared but happy that Jeff and I are finally ready. I feel a little guilty having just started a new job but we did wait a little because of it. Originally we were going to start trying after the marathon ended but that's right when all the job stuff happened. I walked away from 40 days of sick time at my last job. That was killer. But, I didn't want to stay in a job just because I might have a baby. I know from a money perspective it's a lot and I'll miss it but I'm still glad I made the change. My last job was toxic and it had been time to go for awhile.
  • I lost and gained quite a bit of weight. I dabbled in slow carb and intermittent fasting and it seemed to be working out well. But, things fell apart in the fall, starting with the craziness before my big convention, followed by post-marathon binging (hello candy corn), followed by job-interview stress, finishing out an old job and starting a new one, going to Aus/NZ for two weeks, returning right into Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and new job stress as ourconvention is the third week in January. Whew.

    2013 should be interesting. A new job certainly adds a new twist and I'll get to experience some different things. Hopefully I have an opportunity to keep learning and growing. If this baby thing actually happens that will....certainly be different. Talk about starting a new chapter of your life!






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