13 May 2000, again

Sometimes I have these moment of singularity. The world blurs into an unreadable image, and everything disappears so that it's only me. One.

The most incredible spiritual experience comes from something deep within your mind that only you can discover. Others can whisper the pathway, something read can hand you a key. It's allowing the emotional overlaps to emerge and take you there. It's feeling God, it's feeling yourself completely...free? Bare? Vulnerable? I don't know what the word would be. It's not...anything, it's there. It's being. There are no thoughts. Raw emotion?

I think my new fave genre of writing has to be spiritual science-fiction. These last two boos I've read, Egan's Distress, and most recently Sagan's Contact are amazing reads. Not even so much, that the writing is continuously stimulating, or the the plot is so captivating. But the idea. This grand idea that they're working with. That's the core. It's a collective idea, simmering inside of us, and they tried to write about it.

One step closer to trying to figure out themselves and the universe. Have a conversation with God today. It's not ceremonial, a repeated steps of magical formulas that open up some gateway. It's yourself. Pure Self.

At that moment it's rich tears streaming down my creamy pale face, streaking lines across my eyes, blemished with mascara, dusted with life's powders. My hands upturned,but close to my body, my Christian influence, my uncontrollable body, ebbing softly with the tremors of each released tear. It's letting myself cry, and just fill up with some undescribable revelation. It's glancing out the window and seeing blue and seeing life, and seeing your reflection of everything. Of the elements contributing. Your heart beating inside you, your lungs filling with air. It's love. It's knowing it's love and not knowing why, but understanding nevertheless....and that's It.