Later on....3 March 2000

Well. I suppose it's sort of depressing. I called Ryan, he wasn't around. But I've got this conspiracy thinking head about the whole thing. Whoever answered sounded really weird. I thought at first I had called the wrong number cuz the person took so long, to say that he was out.

Ryan? Like the receiver had never heard the name before. (Don't mind me if I go in and out of using the initials or the full names of people I talk about ;)

So anyway. That was my last attempt. I think it was an important attempt, but it was the last. If he calls me, wonderful, but I am never calling him again. Just as I vowed never to call Tim again, so I do so with Ryan. So sad.

And so it goes, I close another chapter of my life. Drifting with an alternateen crowd. Time to write up my psychology thesis now, huh? ;) [I always felt the whole experience was like me being an undercover psych student...].

Now I really do feel boyless. Either I'll be messing around with Dan soon, or I better start working my charms. Speaking of D, it's funny to think that exactly this Friday of last quarter I was diving into the depths of 69 and such with that boy. What a weird world. I never even went out with the Siebert crew once this quarter. That is fine. I think for me and what I'm doing right now, it is all about experiences. I'm just moving from one group to the next, kind of jumping the "kid genres" getting to know all sorts of people. And it's fun.

Bryan was absolutely fascinating. He gave me Love Spit Love, Ayn Rand, and an interesting look at myself. Ryan gave me candy, raves, e, an insight into the whole drug culture actually, and kissing with a tongue ring. ooh. ;) He also pushed my comfort zones, pushed my my mind to new limits, got me to play a game of chess again. (You don't understand, that's impressive :) Dan took me to new sexual levels (continuing my frustration with Christians?!), made me value my male friendships, experience my first "beer buz" with the whole gang of that dorm. The Fuzzies gave me girlfriends, got me dancing, and gave me beer games. That's the way love goes.

(Another random saying, I use, just to....wrap things up. ;)

But speaking of being crazy, and foolish, and unresponsible with my body and my feelings, I'm slightly concerned about what Spring Break will bring for me. But actually, just because of the girls I'm going with, I'm sure I'll revert back to quiet, reserved Aglaia when I'm with them, just because....it seems like I turn into her when I'm with Ky & her friends. So who knows. Hopefully I won't be like that, at the same time, I don't want to be at the front of the line in craziness. It would be terribly funny if I came back buds with D.S. though. Although, that sounds kind of appealing, only because it would finally end some deep rooted bitterness towards her. There's really no reason to feel the way I do.

I think she's actually probably a nice and cool girl, I just need to drop my preconceptions of her and relax and start fresh. Start fresh with all of them. I'm so excited, I think it'll be a lot of fun. I just hope I have enough $$$$.

Pulling deep into her mind, she knows that her projects are due. What will she come up with. From this brain it swirls complications, but when she prints, it is with simplicity that success follows....

Yeah, I'm working on it. I just want my final photography project to be something special. I think the only thing, that will really surprise myself, as he always pushes us to do, would be a self-portrait. Something introspective, but hopefully not too complex. I need a simple idea. First, i need to shoot some pictures.

I've decided that Summer break will suck. Who wants to live at home, when you are used to freedoms and a new lifestyle? Will I totally revert into old Aglaia, or will I defy the parental units, and become her own self? C'mon, the older sibs managed, didn't they? I love you mom and dad! (Namaste)

Outy.