25 March 2002

Hi. I'm bored.

So while the rest of the university campus kids are off resting on the beaches, or possibly at this hour, partying it up in their little mexican villa hotels, pre-drinking, for a night of clubbing, boys, and stories....

I am here. In Ohio. With snow on the ground. In my parent's house, with a curfew.

...not like I have anywhere to go anyway.

I'm disappointed that I'm not somewhere warm, with a bunch of friends and young people, but I didn't have the money, so it's not as if I just chose not to go...I couldn't have gone no matter how bad I wanted to. I think too, after last year, I recognized that Cancun was a lot of fun (but it seems a whole lot more fun in memories, then all actuallity--okay, that's not a word, i know).

I mean, it felt like i spent a whole lot more $$$, to be in basically a "panama city" atmosphere (my first spring break experience). Sure the water/beach was prettier, weather more predictable and warmer, and i could actually drink alcohol outside of my room ;) but all and all it still had that party atmosphere with lots of kids just hanging out and having a good time, revved up on hormones.

I think I eventually decided that Cancun wasn't as good because I had a boyfriend. Springbreak has the whole idea and potential for some wild romantic fling. Without the potential, it's just a place to get a tan. Plus the whole time I felt like I was just trying to find some way to see Jeff (who was many hotels away). I felt like I dissed my girls a lot, and pulled jeff down when we were together because he wasn't able to have that all-out spring break experience---bunch of guys drinking and chasing girls or what not.

Not like i think JEff was getting on anybody, but I think he has a good time drinking, just for the sake of drinking. Once we were together, I didn't feel like drinking, or doing anything, because I was just pretty happy being with him.

I had a good time, though, and I'm still glad I went. I just think after that experience, I only wanted to go somewhere for spring break if Jeff would be there....and we'd be in the same hotel/vacation package.

So this year when the offer to go to Acapulco came up, it was tempting...but i remembered last year, and so I decided unless if Jeff was in...I would be out. He never really made a decision, and finally decided he didn't have the money. At the time I didn't have the money, but probably could have made it (over christmas break). But since he decided he wasn't going, I didn't make any efforts to specifically save for it.

We did go to Chicago though. And in May we are going to Las Vegas. Chicago was kind of "eh" (and I feel kind of bad about all the money he spent on it) but it was still an experience. I think Las Vegas will be *a lot* of fun though. It'll be just us. It should be warm, and hopefully we can go swimming together. I'll get to experience gambling and take in the whole Vegas scene with my boyfriend, so it should be good.

I also upped my student loan *a lot*! I didn't know I was taking out so much, but I just checked my statement and I was pretty stunned. Whoops. My first thought was that I needed to some how return the money. My next thought was...hey, i could keep it! Haha, it's so terrible, because I know I am just going to die when I graduate and I'm consumed in these student loans, and i'll probably regret everything, but really....

I can't imagine having gone to college so far without them. And I've been reasonably good...only taking out a thousand per quarter. If I didn't have the sorority to pay for, I'm not sure if I would need all that money, but with the sorority, I think I would be constantly stressing for money. Even now, by the third month, I start struggling for some cash. I have no idea where it goes...Jeff and I practically never go out. It's not like i'm out buying all these clothes or something, but it's like i'm always broke. I think a lot of it has gone to paying off car loan/insurance. Bleh. :(

That'll be nice when the car is all paid up for. Although lately some fix-it ups have been hurting me. My 'service engine soon' light has been on, so i went to a tuffy, and i paid them a lil over 200 to get it fixed. And all was dandy....until the very next day and my car started shaking and the light came back on! Errgh. I still haven't gotten that checked out since then. Sigh, how can I, i'm broke!

So, anyway, i guess i'm not, since i took out that huge student loan. I don't know what to do...because I'm thinking I want to keep some of it, and go on that Europe trip that Jeff and I have always talked about. I mean, going to Europe would be such an awesome experience. Even if only for two weeks....to be out there, solely with my man--haha it'd be like a honey moon. I guess to me, travelling is worth going into debt for. Sure it will suck later paying for it, and I don't think I can really understand what it'll be like having all these loans to pay back (because now it feels like play money). But travelling is important to me, and knowing how anal I am about everything....who knows if i'd ever actually take the time to go in the rest of my life.

I'm a planner, and I try to be reasonable (maybe too much, too often) so to me, going on one last summer trip, while I'm young enough to join it, and don't have a serious job to worry about taking leave for, or having any serious money concerns, or kids to care for....I don't know, I feel like that's worth keeping the [loan] money for.

I was reading in the loan thing that they're supposed to be used strictly for paying for my education, and if i use it for anything else, and they find out i'd have to pay my whole student loan in full....to all of you d-landers out there--does anyone know if that actually happens? Does anyone actually check out to see if that's true, or if people really use their loans strictly for school stuff? Please leave your message here.

I've never been to Europe. I don't know how much things cost, I don't know about the cool places to go, I don't know what travel is like between countries, proper behavior, or anything.

I'd love some advice (you know where to write). I know for sure we want to go to Ibiza, Spain for a couple of nights. After that we're interested in Spain, Greece and Italy. I'd really like to go to Greece; I think Jeff would really like to see Italy. I figure since we're going to Ibiza, we might just want to do Spain. I don't know how much you can do/see on a budget...say of 2000 dollars.

Anyway, I'm definitly keeping the loan...but I think i'll give part of it back...I don't know how much though...I wonder if I should just keep it for a back up for this summer. I've never lived on my own, and had to pay all my bills before. It'd be kind of nice to have something to fall back on to, if I got into $$ trouble. I just don't know how hard it will be to save money, when all my work $$ is going to paying for living expenses. :(

Should be interesting...

Grades aren't up yet...should be interesting what I'll get in visual comm. I'm fearing a C. I think I deserve a B, but the exams really screwed me over. So that sucks. The good thing is that I have two solid A's in my other classes (those grades are up). I was pretty excited about that. I knew for sure I had an A, but the other one was a borderline A-...so I guess with the curve I was saved. :) If I could get a B in this Vis. comm. class I will so happy...hey, it seems like I get lucky, so maybe....la la la.

I have an interview with NBC (okay, the local affiliate) this Wednesday. I can't remember if their internships are paying or not. I hope so. I decided I can't really do an internship if it doesn't pay (and it seems like most don't). But with the bills and such, there's no way. What sucks, is I forgot my "interview dress" back on campus and they shut us out of the sorority house for break. :( So I bought this cheesy light blue department store skirt/camisole/jacket thingy today. It's more of a spring suit...and with the snow on the ground I don't know how appropriate it will be--especially since I can't wear white shoes with it (the whole Easter thing, you know? ;) Plus, I just feel dumb in a suit (it's my first).

For my birthday, i've asked my mom to buy me some "business wear". I hope she can take me to Banana or Ann Taylor to buy something of a nicer quality (than my cheap Kohl's buy today). I mean....for 35 dollars (sale ;) it's probably going to fall apart before I even make it to the interview! La la la...well, it's either this suit, or a tight skirt and a hoochie shirt (the other "nice" clothes, i own ;)

What I consider my interview dress is nice because it's a long sleeved black dress which is finished with a skinny belt around the middle to give me some shape. It's made out of a nice material, and it looks professional, while stylish.

Shoulder pads....really aren't my thing.

I get my hair done tomorrow...here comes a new 21 I.D!!

-ag.