Aglaia | Click to view my profile.

Latest Entry Older Entries Old Journal (HS, Early College) Send E-Mail Aglaia's Survey Read/Sign Dreambook

Poorly Attempted

25 October 2005

Who wins the award for worst attempt at a breakup ever?

Oooh, me, me!

So I can feel the build up in me again where the sorrow is really deep and swollen and I know that the sooner this is done the better for everyone. We're in the living room, both on the couch and we're sitting face to face with me cradled in his arms. With my head buried in his shoulder and that hot emotion burning at my heart and eyes I was trying to will myself to begin.

Just do it, Aglaia. C'mon, once you get those first words out it will all come. Just begin. Tell him.

And so I crawl out of his lap and as he reaches for the remote to turn on the TV I tell him I need to talk to him about something.

There, it's out. Here we go...

I tell him how sad I've been...how sad I am all the time. That I'm restless and lonely and I feel like it stems back to the fact that I'm not growing as a person. I'm not satisfied with my life, with us I tell him.

I must have rambled on something good, but jumbled in my poetic, angsty "ooh, poor me, I'm sad" monologue I missed the point because he turns and looks and me and goes, "huh?"

He truly has no idea what I'm saying or what I'm getting at. The shame is, that I really am sad all the time. So the fact that I just had this long confession about how sad I am doesn't really pack a punch. Sure, I'm sad, I cry a lot--he's gotten so used to it that it's hard to know that this is a real moment that I'm trying at and not another episode where I tell him to not mind me.

So, he's not minding me.

I try again, this time putting the focus on him. Is he happy? Is he satisfied? Is there more? What are we doing --where are we going?

I'm hoping for a "deep" moment but instead he just shrugs, smiles and said yes he's happy. That his commute sucks but other than that he's happy with how things are going.

Great.

At this point I don't know what to do. He's already looking at the TV, flipping to find something, obviously taking this situation as nothing more than an Aglaia moment, where she cries and moans and then she'll be back to normal again.

I try again, telling him I want to get out and meet people and do things and I want to do this together but we never do. He kinds of puts that asides and says that I'm always tired or I have a headache or he gets home too late to do anything.

Another dead end.

I'm always forwarding him social things that are going around town with various groups. So I tell him that when I send him these things I'm sending them because I want to go and he never even responds to them! Again, more shrugging on his part. I know he isn't crazy about being a "joiner" but that's who I am and I do want to 'join' and be a part of something.

So, feeling a little hopeless and that I've missed my mark by a lot on this conversation and I give up. I say okay. Shake it off and leave to go meet up with my sister who is in town and waiting to meet with me.

(Yeah, so breaking up with your boyfriend when you're supposed to go meet with someone probably isn't the greatest timing but since there's never really a good time, hey, oh well).

That was it. Good one, Ag. You'll get it next time.







I saw this on Post Secret. No, I didn't write it.











Hosted by Diaryland

Sign the Guestbook (Site is down)

Sign the NEW Guestbook

Random Entry Generator

Aglaia's Diaryland Picks

Template by Marty