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Viet Rock, Amanda, black people, date with jeff

21 May 2000

Hello.

Tonight was the last showing of Viet Rock. Seeing as I have to have a three page analytical actor's performance paper written by Monday for it....I thought it good that I was attending. My girl Amanda, ruined any fun fantasy ideas by inviting Jose to attend with us. Well, a threesome then? Just kidding. I don't like Jose like that.

Haha. I couldn't help but joke in my mind that I had asked Amanda on a "date" by calling her exclusively to go attend the play with me. I'm just playing around I know. It makes me laugh. It's like a big secret, a joke. So the whole night, I can pretend, and if no one is looking...I can turn my head, and let a smile creep up on my face and try not to laugh.

I think that would be awfully hard trying to find a hook up if you were a lesbian. How would you know who's straight--who's not--and even if you knew someone was, it's just like any opp. sex relationships, you never know if they like you like that anyway. So tonight I was just a girl from acting class, but I was flirting all the time. She had me smell her perfume, so delicately off her wrist.

She leaned over and asked for time. Leaning over, pulling her hair away when she couldn't hear. Whispering it into her ear.

Haha. I really....i'm not trying, just laughing at the given circumstances. She's kind of scary really. laughing. She's got this smile. Double teeth, flashing. She's dramatic. I would actually say she leans more towards goth than alternateen, my initial framing was off. It's only because she has goth tendencies, the flirting of the dramatics of it all. She could easily swing both ways, but yes, defintly more goth. Cute. Really pretty blond hair. Both those teeth. scary. ;)


So we flirted. Or at least I pretended we did. And I was jealous when she whispered to him and not to me. But only because I was joking all a long. But not really, but I was. I'm stupid, basically. ;)

Did I tell you about last night? It sucked. I had an hour layover before I went out after the variety show and the whole chris thing totally hit me, and i took it. I know I don't have to let it hurt me. I know I could push it away and out. But for James, I let it in. It felt appropriate. I went out. But I didn't drink, and I didn't stay long. I didn't much have fun. I didn't feel like I could.

So I walked home by myself. Which is bad, because you shouldn't do that...cuz that's how people get kidnapped, raped yadda yadda. But yeah, I've done it before, and I'll do it again no doubt. Part of it is, hell no am I staying for hours when I'm ready to go now, and the other, is...I'm confident. Not that I think it can't happen to me, or won't, because I understand it's a reality. Just.....I feel confident walking by myself. I'm talking to God, and I know whatever happens, will happen, and I'll deal with it.

So I'm lost, cuz I'm a ditz and can't even find myself back to high street. (The main strip of places around campus.) So eventually, I'm walking behind this fine gang of black guys, and I'm like what the fck, hey fella's, this is pretty silly, but where is high street? (I really should have known how to get back, I was just all backwards and confused.) Them being the kind, guys they are, lead me to where I need to be going, all the while entertaining me with jokes and hi/hellos. Dolls, they are. I love black guys. A humor more flavorful than you can get in other places.

The one gripe I have with Greeks, is the whiteness of it all. I myself am a victim to white suburbia (there's two black families in my neighborhood...I'm just lucky enough to have the one live across from me.) But although my housing is majority white, I've grown up in half w/half b schools all my life. I've grown up with it. My parents are cool with me dating other races, and I'm so happy for it.

I've heard some conversations among my sisters, which make me cringe. Not straight up rough racism, but enough, that it's something I worry about. I forgive them...they probably grew up in some hick ohio town that had no black people in it or something, but i mean....I really wish there was more integration in the greeks.

On to my second gripe. I'm all for integration....I think the only way racism will stop is when the races mix and people don't have to think twice about it. It's not about becoming one race all the same. I say stick to your culture, and heritage, all the way. But the respect isn't there yet. In it's place there's fear. And it's just fear of the unknown, with integration...you'd know. BUT

I also understand that the problem with integration, is that whites expect blacks to move into "white" territory. Migrate to "white" neighborhoods, RUSH in a white sorority, a white fraternity. Why is it, that you never see a white trying to get into a black neighborhood, or a white into the black fraternity? Like that's pretty backward and junky, you know what I mean? I don't have a real good solution to it. All I can hope, is that in my old age, i will see a difference, and I think I will. I just don't know how far we will come by then.


So I come home from my play. It's a little after 10:30. Jeff had mentioned to me Friday about doing something this weekend.I wonder if he called. He did. A message about him at work, but seeing a movie later. I figured he probably meant earlier, but I called him back just because, anyway. He was actually still at work, and still wanted to do something. Said he would call me in a half hour.

Looks like a plan to watch a movie at his house. Ohh, a block buster night, huh? Hehe, I laughed at an old friend's joke that, "block buster night" was code for sex on the couch. But ya know.


He walks over to my dorm. He's wearing, this real sexy grey sweater/turtleneck thing. Looks great with his hair. HA! I think i'm attracted to him just cuz of his floppy dark hair. It's so fabulous. I can't even say he's that great looking, I really don't know what's wrong with me. Not to say anything bad, I think he's cute. But the hair helps. And he has a grin himself. But it's a good one. Not like Amanda's scary one, hee.

So we walk over, talking about...chit-chat really. I guess he got really sick the night before, emergency room and everything, just from a cold or something. I'm thinking Aglaia must have some major pull here, cuz this boy has to be tired, since by the time he got me it was after midnight.

Get to his place, and his roommies are leaving. I feel like a ho, going in there with him alone, while they're all leaving. YEah baby, yeah!

No TV in their living area, so we have to go to his room. Uh oh, a futon. I've shared some funny stories with my girlfriends about occurances on futons. We look through his roommates movies. He tells me he isn't a movie person. ohh, straight through the heart, i'm a movie queen! We almost go with Office Space...which I actually have not seen, but then go with Backdraft. My sister adores this movie, for some unknown reason. I haven't seen it in ages, even though she used to watch it all the time after it came out.

I think i was always too young to understand the back plot of this movie. Okay, so i'm still confused. :) Much better clue this time of what happened, but i would like to clarify a couple of points, but i won't worry too much about it. No need to let Jeff think I'm a ditz now.

What a gentleman. We sit down, beside each other, I can say we had that. But for a whole hour and a half he didn't make one move on me, and even when he finally did, it was just to put his arm around me. It was so cute, I felt like I was in my freshman high school year again. It's kind of funny really, i mean we've already kissed, but he was probably still all nervous anyway. ;)

It was kind of.....good it didn't go any further than that. Why should it? Seems as of late, I start the night out with a full blown make out session, oral sex sometimes, and that's not right. Okay, I don't think it's quite wrong either, but.... ;) But I mean, I used to move soo slow. Just like this. It always made more sense to me. Of course, since then, I'm all about moving fast and recovering quickly from the after-effects if any. But still, it's kind of sweet to be with a guy who's shy to move.

Of course, maybe it's time for Aglaia to take her course and be the leader. But we'll see. I've got a little catholic boy on my hands, I don't want to be the corruptor.That floppy hair. He is too cute, that's all I can keep repeating in my head.

Not a Chris. But I don't really want another anyway.

Keep you updated.






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