Take me away to a 2:00 mornin' where my mind crushes, and my heart finds itself flustered. I should just go to bed. Delete little words that mean nothing, and don't feel good coming out.
I went to the movies tonight. Saw my best friend Kat for the first time since school let out. Went with Holls and Kat actually. I've known Holly since 6th grade, please tell me why I continue to forget that I don't like her, unless if we are one-on-one. Sigh, the girl...is just dying for attention, and she let us know it. Loud voice, the volume too high. Whining, complaining, the huffiness, so not just we could hear it, but the world around us was involved in her little escapades as well. I love holly and I'm glad for our friendship, but I really don't like her at all with other people.
She depressed and annoyed me. And so did the movie. Not so much the movie as itself (Coyote Ugly isn't exactly a tear-jerker depresser ;) but just....the cheesiness the whole....going to the movie experience. I see a girl with her guitar and I wish I could play, I wish I had some lessons, I wish I would play more often. It's all the stuff dreams are made of, because the only thing I see myself happily doing is becoming an actress. I feel like a silly girl with this dumb wish, because we all wish for it, and I don't really think that I have anything that makes me that extra special.
I think I do have talent, I think I do love it, and want to be it, be a part of it, and blah blah blah. It's so dumb.
I see this really cute guy, with this great accent and it just makes me think of jeff, but it also makes me wish for that...fun, feeling you get when you crush on someone new and they just kissed you for the first time that night.
And I don't want anything, but I'm not doing anything (and feel like I should?). And I am living my days for another day, because I feel like I'm just trying to live until I'm at this next stage. Until I'm wiser, until I've saved up enough money, before I've went to school, before, before, and I don't even know before what, or what I'm even doing. But it's like I'm knowing I'm doing all this for "before" something (even though I'm not sure I am, or there is an...after) and I guess I don't like this feeling.
I don't know what I'm expecting or waiting for. I just feel bored. Like, on the outside, everything if fine and dandy, but I don't feel fulfilled inside.
(This is where Kat would step in and tell me it's Jesus.) Ha. God isn't the problem.
Unless if maybe I'm not sharing Him. Or not living him, or not living for anyting, blah blah blah.
I think I want to go sky diving.
(I'll tell you how it goes.)
