04 September 2001

I'm in one of those I am soo hungry moods--when I know I can't possibly be hungry, I just feel like eating. I've already had tortilla chips, ice cream and pretzels. I think it's time to stop.

These past two days Jeff and I have had really good...talking times. Like, just lying around and talking, for hours, long hours. About past relationships, about us, about our family, about life. They've just been really good. I love how I'm so completely comfortable with him.

Even when the subject is kind of difficult (his last relationship ended because she went to a different school...but they probably would still be together today if he hadn't met me and she hadn't left..you know?--not because the relationship went bad.)

I think he called me his soulmate the other day. Isn't it weird, but ever since our last "weird session" I think we've felt the closest ever. It's almost as if, every weird session leads us to take our relationship a step further...even though it's really not changing that much..it is growing some how.

We talked tonight about how we were when we first said "i love you" and where we are now. I was telling him, that I *was* in love with him, when I said it, and there's nothing "fake" about the love we were in then, but the love we are in now, is so completely...different. We are *so* much in love now, it's hard to compare. And we were both saying how, it feels like other people get to our "first stage" love (which *is* love!) but, what we have....

Is really something. And I don't think people usually get to this stage. It is something like having a soul mate. And I don't know if we always were, or just spending so much time together has made it more so (probably both) but we do think alike, talk alike, laugh over the same things, etc. We're a really great match, and I'm really lucky to have this relationship with him.

I was thinking tonight, about how awful it'd be if he found this sight...because I do occasionally mention other guys in here. And I guess...that while i do say something here and there, it doesn't mean anything to me. It's just passing thoughts and they get written, and it's like these entries get framed in such a way that makes whatever I write about seem "more" important in my head (or why else would I write about it?) but, it's just whatever pops up, it gets said.

I couldn't ever, actually even consider being with someone else. Even if that old server from work had pulled me aside and told me how amazing I was and he had to take me out (haha ;) there's no way. And it may be nice to have other guys recognize that I'm "hot stuff" (if you will ;) but really...I like it a whole lot better when they don't even pay attention to me "that way" at all, because I don't have to worry about telling them no. Jeff and I still flirt with each other a lot and I'm pretty happy with that, and him!

I'd rather be doing anything and have him by myside.

It's a little scary to think about..but I may have found my soulmate. It makes me feel like "Harry" in When Harry Met Sally when he says that once you figure out that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone...you want the rest of your life to start right then.

er, or something like that.

Goodnight.