25 April 2000

I'm sitting here crying.

Oh, God, it makes me sick. I'm so selfish. I'm sorry mom and dad. I'm sorry I made you save my cat. I'm sorry Neil loves animals so much and we made you save her.

500 dollars. Five-Hundred plus dollars to save a cat? It makes me sick. I don't love her enough. My parents don't have any money. And I'm too selfish with mine to help pay. I have two hundred dollars to last me for the rest of of my college year and into the summer until I get a job and my first paycheck, and I'm so sorry, but I don't want to give it to you.

And I'm sorry, because I do love my cat, and I'm glad she's alive, but I was willing to put her to sleep, even though it hurt to think about it. And I'm mad. I'm so mad, at my brother for making me choose to keep her, because they can't afford it. And I'm mad that I'm mad at you Neil, because you saved my cat.

I can't believe i made them save a cat that's mean and throws up on everything, and I'm not even there! I mean I'm in college. God, I hate him, i'm so mad at making me do that. We should have put her to sleep. Oh, why did they save her?

Survey:

The best feeling in the world: Knowing you're loved.

The worst feeling in the world: Being frustrated.

God's will. Katie is alive for a reason. She lived because she's supposed to be here. I have a little brother that loves my cat dearly. The boy has no friends, is socially backward and loves my cat.

I'm frustrated with him and the price, but she loves my brother probably as much as he loves her. I'm sorry, Neil. I'm just sorry it had to be my decision. She may have been my cat my some form of original ownership, but Neil is her bestfriend...and who knows it could be his.

I can't let it make me sick that my parents have to pay so much for the operation. It may have been my choice, but it was for him in mind all along. I'm just greatful that she survived the operation, and the doctor's prediction was that she will have a good eight years ahead of her, if not more.

Namaste.