I feel sick.
Two days ago I decided to detox myself. Sounded like an interesting idea. I read about it in a magazine. Who knows, I thought, maybe my headaches and fatigue aren't from poor diet, lack of sleep and irregular exercise. (Yeah right ;)
The first two days consist of watered down fruit juice and water with lemon. Just the thought of surviving two days with no food got me interested. It's almost a game of willpower with myself. I like to eat...I like to eat all the time, I enjoy taste, I like to boredom I eat....yadda yadda. I'm also severely worried about matabolism. Probably because I have great metabolism, and I always worry that one day I'll throw it off balance and all of a sudden my equalibrium will be ruined. Two days of no food? That sounds like a good way to do it.
But for day 3-7 you slowly add in more foods...but basically you're limited to fruit and vegetables. I never thought of coming out of a fast like that. But it makes sense thinking about it. I'll begin to eat and my body will grasp onto any food I give it like it will be its last. But what if I give it good foods? (Opposed to ice cream or french fries? :)
Could work I thought. Maybe even help me lose these 11 pounds. But with the focus on detox, not on weight loss, I began my first day.
I messed up.
Accident, of course! I had been good the whole day--almost going for something, then, at last moment remembering. But it was someone's birthday at work and they were passing out plates with cake on it. It's funny, because I don't even like cake. Usually I decline it. But I accepted anyway, wiped my icing off (it's why I *don't* like cake) and promptly ate my tiny slice. Oops. I quickly thought after disposing of the plate.
A dilemma of course. I could scratch the detox and start the next day and begin eating or..... I rationalized that it was likely that at some point of my detox I would accidentally forget (like my best friend during Lent...she was really good to not eat chocolate until I offered her a choc. chip cookie and without either of us noticing--it was gone. :) So I went on the rest of my, internally realizing that any food in me, no matter how little, probably threw off whatever balance I was trying to achieve, but, oh well...
Day Two. My real day without food, I thought. I got out of work. Infact, I dropped all my hosting day shifts. Which will be so wonderful. I can finally sleep in, get a tan...all the things a girl should be allowed to do on her summer break. So going along with the detox, I finally did get my first 8 hours of sleep in a long while. I then also got some sun and sweat (to get the toxins out...the tan is just a by-product, really ;) It's amazing though what another day with no food is like. How my whole day is surrounded with thoughts of food.
I'm not even hungry. The whole day, I'm not. I still can't believe it. I feel obligated hungry (like, I felt like I should have been) but wasn't. Not until I turned on the tv around 10 at night to watch a movie did I really want something. And that was probably out of habit--first a movie just calls for popcorn, and second, I always eat a snack at night (no matter how unhealthy it is ;). When the clock hits midnight I'm tempted to hit the kitchen and dish myself up some fruit. (It after all, was technically day three by then.)
But I decided to just go to bed.
Woke up this morning. No appetite. I don't even want food. I've exhausted my grape juice though, and now am left with lemon water and apple juice to go on. They say it's not healthy to do the juices for more than 2-3 days. I figure, it is day three, i should just eat. I make myself a fruit salad of bananas, grapes and apple. I don't even want it. Begin eating. All it makes me think, is that I would really like a bagel and turkey (i eat it every single day....) Sigh.
Around 3, I eat some brown rice (the other allowance.) It tastes rubbery and spongy. I sneak some salt onto it, to shake things up. Helps, but not much.
I feel queasy. I have a killer headache. There are a variety of reasons for both I guess. I have an IBprofin dependency (I get daily headaces normally) and I also have an addiction to ice tea. No ice allowed, obviously. And while it didn't say no headache medicine, I figure, if anything, that's probably one thing I need to detox from anyway. There's no doubt it probably doesn't work for me by this point.
I'd like to get out of the house, maybe get my mind off eating (I like to eat, just to eat--I never realized how much.) But our phones are dead. Maybe a movie, some hang time with Jeff, I'd even like to work, call and see if there's any shifts to pick up. Can't do that with the phones not working. No calls coming in or out. It's just a silent phone. It sucks.
I might just take a nap. My head hurts too much to really do anything else around the house.
Last time I saw Jeff it didn't feel...right.
Chew on that.
