1 July 2000

I'm on a spiritual buzz. With no apparent connection, I've thought about God and religion four times today with different people. Nothing terribly deep at all, just in small passing, but still. It does get me thinking. I just finished writing an email to a girl who was in my youth group.

She's younger, say, a junior in HS starting in September. Her older sister is actually my age. I'm not sure if I've ever associated with either of them that much. The email was really sweet though. I kept on hearing that people were asking about me in youth group--as another kid in the group joked, they feared I had "fled the flock". My friends, I had fled much longer ago than you know.

But the email, very considerate. Just asked me what was up. Nothing about God. Her, and her sister, are part of the "super christian" circle. People I admire. Beautiful parents (physically), although not bad mentally, they've done a fine job raising their "dublin" kids. (A nice part of town). The girl who wrote the email, Chelsea, is super sweet. I actually prefer her much more than I do her older sister, who is probably more "on the right track to god and leadership". But Chelsea somehow managed to make it into that category of "cool, popular" Christians, who are still fun while remaining "godly". Now that's awesome as the Christians love to say. :)

So the email, a suprise, but pleasant. I am starting slow, one person at a time. Chris knows I'm not. Brian knows I'm not. Kathryn knows I'm not. Will Chelsea be next? I did alright with Chris, he didn't question it. Kat and Brian? Not a very good revealing. But it would be nice, for once, if I could tell a youth group kid, without getting justify-ish, without coming off "confused and lost", or even more, coming off strong, and connected. Because that's what I am, concerning my faith. It's too easy to roll over, and let them explain why they believe, and just nod my head, figuring they won't understand the way I think and I won't be able to explain what I feel.

Dilemma!

...did I even spell that right? ;)

Okay. Well. Tommorow/today--it being after midnight and all, is Saturday the 1st. It is guitar boy's party. I'd really like to see him, hear him play. I'm sure they're even more wonderful. I was concerned with how I would get there, who I would hang out with and what not, but I do want to go. Kathryn is home from FL. The only time she can see me is after the wedding she is in. (This will end sometime Sat. night). I talked today with Jeff on the phone, he asked me to go to dinner sat. night.

I guess, part of me was kind of guessing I wouldn't be attending guitar boy's party. I wasn't going unless if (1) I had a friend going with me or (2) I would go/ride with Chris/his girls. As for the latter, I haven't spoken to any of them in awhile, although, I do have phone numbers, so that was always an option, and I'm almost positive they are attending. As for the former, I could possibly take holly (if she's not going to church) or even kat, if she would want to (even though she has a plane to catch at 6:30 the following morning.) I guess there's always Heidi too. I mean she doesn't live that far away.

But the problem with all three, even if one would agree to go, is that I'm not sure if they would enjoy the guitar playing as much that I obviously do. (I'm happily content to sit there for hours and watch guitar boy sing/play.) There will be drinking, and possibly weed smoking going on. Wouldn't drink with kat, probably couldn't with any of I was driving anyway. The drugs might really turn off kathryn or holly, although I imagine both can't be so naive about it. I still would like to go, though. I even asked my mom--ahead of time--if I could go, and she said yes, that's sort of a big deal. ;)

Okay, seeing Kat. I mean, I would like to see her, but....we were talking on the phone for an hour or so last night and it was kind of good at times, and pretty awkward at others. Truthfully, when I see kathryn, it's usually good times all around ;) but if I *don't* see kathryn, it doesn't really....affect me at all. Which is sort of sad. I don't know. Especially now, since I felt like we were already kind of growing away from each other during school. But, although the phone convo was sort of dead, I'm sure we would be okay, in "real life". Also, it's sort of silly not to see her, when she's actually back here in Columbus for the night.

Part of me, is guessing Kat won't actually be out of the wedding in time to come back and hang with me in any fashionable time. So...I want to go out with Jeff. We haven't hung out since Monday. And dinner, is one of those date things are very painful for me, so it's good to work through them. (Talk about strike of the ambiversion.)

So I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that I want to see Jeff. What should I do? I mean, what if Jeff doesn't get out of work until really late anyway? How can we go to dinner then? I guess, I'll just wait it out. Whoever calls first tomorrow night is getting me. But what if Jeff calls, then kat calls sometime after, before I leave with Jeff. Or even if I do leave, I'm still assuming k will call at sometime. Or who knows, she may actually get me by 9:00. I don't know, I'm not good at planning stuff. ;) I think I'll just go with the flow. I'll try to see if I can work both of them in if possible. It's bad to snub your best friend for a guy...especially when they're home from FL.

I don't know, this really sucks. If I felt like I knew k would really call me around 9:00 or earlier or whatever, then I would just work around that. But I know she just picked a number sort of randomly. Also, we were originally gonna go out to lunch Sat. morning, but she called and cancelled. I don't want to stay at home, and not do anything and have all of my plans fall out.

I think I may try to hook up with some Fuzzies for Red White and Boom. ("the biggest midwest firework show" the ads claim.--yeah, go Columbus.) I've never been down town for the show, because my 'rents never wanted to dare the crowds, and they thought it was too dangerous for me to go with friends. It's true though, it does seem like at least someone gets shot every year. I dunno. I haven't drank in so long. I wonder what my tolerance level is. Not to say we would be drinking. But not to say we wouldn't be, either. :)

I took my "final" at my restaurant today. Hopefully I'll get my perm. schedule which will have me working tons of hours, and they'll get me off this hosting every damn morning of the week. I know we don't open until 11:00, but I still have to get up by 9:30 to shower and eat to be there by 10:45 every day, and it's just getting real old. I like to go to bed at 3am. It's starting to run me down. Especially, cuz after my shift, I have to be back there in a few hours later, for my night shift. I only work three hours in the morning too, cuz they cut me after the rush, so it's not even worth the effort, for the pathetic hours. But oh well.

Greece, I'm coming to you. $$$$ Coming to you.