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work drama, dormer sex, and studying abroad

1 December 2000

December already?

Amazing.

So my calendar (which I just adore BTW) is a Rodin monthly. His artwork is just beautiful. It is so sensual and tasteful. It would be so awesome to create sculpture like that.

I'll get the shouts out before I forget.... I am very happy to see you, angelbaby, back in the game. And hey, I was Quoted way back when. (How neato is that? Thanks girl for referring me...you know who you are!) And damn ladiebug! Haha, I was reading the entry but I didn't realize it was a fantasy and the whole time I was like "no she didn't" hehe, I sound like a talk show guest.

But considering the whole sitation, do you think you would ever actually do something like that if the situation ever really came about?

I don't think I could have. I may like to talk about all the skanky things I do, but to put me right out in public like that...he wouldn't have gotten further than half-way up my leg before I would have slapped him away. ;)


Do you ever want to do things or say things, but then you think...that the person you'd want to do/say it to probably has no idea that you think things like that, so they might just give you a weird look? Haha, that made no sense at all. Nevermind.

I think we're all "weird" naturally, but we just try so hard to be "normal" and that's what messes us up to begin with. But oh well.


So I just rediscovered audiogalaxy which is where I always got my MP3's from (long before that ol Napster came out) but I did it through FTP sites. So I hooked up their newest thing which is a lot like Napster, but I like how it saves how much you've downloaded...so if you get cut off, and you connection breaks, when you get back online, it just starts back off where you ended. This is especially nice because I have dial up at school, and my computer is slow as hell. So anyway, I thought I was getting this Paul Oakenfold song, "Voyage into Trance" but actually I was downloading a whole cd. I was pretty amazed when I went to put it in my winamp and it was 72+ minutes long. Surprised first that it was a cd and surprised twice because I usually have to delete an mp3 for each new one I get (like I said, slow computer, I've crammed it to space capacity ;)

But yeah, I got it, I just can't get any more new songs. ;) But the CD is nice and I'm getting a burner for X-mas, so I'll just have to wait until then to burn it and get it off the computer. (*That* should clear up a lot of space!)


Scandal at the work place. Dear Shelb's is working it with Soren. And dear Soren!....he's the kind of guy that you wouldn't typically stop to check out, but there's just something about him that makes him damn attractive. He's reasonably quiet, although don't know him well enough if he's shy as well. I'd guess not, just because I'm a quiet but non-shy person, so I like to think the rest of all us types. Anyway, he would frequently make it into the top three "guys I would fuck" mental lists I would create at the host stand, when I was stuck doing the dreaded hosting. (One of the most boring jobs i tell you.)

And even though I had half the guys throwing slimy hints that they wanted to sleep with me (they're just those kind of guys ;) Soren would never say anything other than a pleasant hello when he would come in. I would never even think of trying to hit on Soren (cuz he's just *not* that kind of guy) but all of sudden, Shelby's sexual awakening has passed into sleeping with Soren, and I am just horrified that he's digging it.

I guess guys will be guys after all.

Not that there's anything wrong with going out with work people, getting drunk, then going home with someone (uh la la--although I've never done it) um, I guess (it's okay?) but out of the people that would go for it and the people you would guess to be in a longterm serious relationship....I guess it just surprised me that Soren would go for it.

Anyway, who cares. I think it's happened thrice times, that's practically a relationship ;) maybe they're heading there.


I am so ashamed of my dormer sex activities. I mean, while I've never witnessed someone else being awake and spying, there just has to be people who've either guessed (or heard!). Haha. I mean I'm like a foot away from the bed beside me. And while we obviously don't get all that vocally involved, there's enough shuffle and escaping gasps or what not, that if you were awake, you'd probably know.

So I guess it's all just going on if you're awake or not. I don't think anyone would wake up to it, but if you were just lying there, eyes closed, not moving, but still trying to fall asleep....well you'd know.

So it's sort of embarresssing knowing that all these guys know that you have sex on a regular basis with one of their brothers. I tried to imagine the situation reversed...if it was *my* dormer, and it was my girls knowing that it was me and Jeff getting it on, and I think Jeff would be more embarressed with the situation than me. I'm just "the girl he dates" not a brother of your club. But I don't know how much really gets revealed in "guy talk" or if people probably "guy talk" without involving jeff or what not.

So even though I've been sleeping over at the frat for a whole quarter (although dormer sex is reasonably new ;) I've all of a sudden developed this shyness to staying over there.

I mean strip the situation down, I don't really care but there's still just that knowing that time to time creeps up on me and turns my cheeks red.


My dreams have been really heavy lately. I can't define heavy, just that they have been....absorbing? I don't know, just really thick, and "real" feeling, I guess. I'll wake up like I'm been in this super deep sleep, sunk into the situation. It's been like that for days. I then spend the rest of the day trying to shake the feeling and the memory because it'll really feel like they're real memories in my head, that whatever happened in the dream, happened for real.

I dreamt last night that I slept with this guy. Not anyone I know, someone I just made up. In the dream he was a friend of Nicole's and she lived in this really hip city, (which was supposed to be columbus) and all the architecture was really fabulous and inventive. But somehow I was visiting the city (even though I live in Columbus?) and he was from out of town, trying to find a new place while he was here. A friend of a friend of Nicole's. Incredibly sexy. Hard, cold blue eyes, blond hair, sculpted but not necessarily "big" or built. Very stylish.

And in the dream we had this...weird relationship, like I didn't like him and he didn't like me, but at the same time there was this incredible sexual tension between us. He was older. Middle twenties, and a friend of Nicole's. And any guy friend of Nicole's...this makes her to be a slut, which I don't think she is (but I don't really know ;) but Nicole dates...nicole dates everyone it seems. She always had a billion different guys calling the house when she lived there. So it was like, if this guy was living with her--they were probably sleeping together?

So the attraction to each other, was first secretive in the sense--we shouldn't want each other if he's with my sister (although they weren't "exclusive" or anything)--and btw there was no Jeff in this dream, it was as if I didn't know him or was dating anyone. And then there was this...like he was a dick, and I didn't like him as a person, but he was this incredibly talented artist, so I was admired his work and talent, but couldn't really stand to be around him.

Then one day I was over there, and it was just like, we were all over each other. It happened so fast, our lips and tongues, really hot, and just fucking.

And I just woke up in the middle of it, but I felt so...but there was this complete thrill all over me. Not horny or anything, just like "woah" hehe. I don't know how to explain it. Completed excited with the situation, wondering about my sister or anyone if they would walk in on us. Completly at random and without base.

Good stuff.

Haha.


See, so then all day I had to think about this guy. Who isn't even a guy. And I felt all weird. It's like I had been with someone else.

But speaking of someone else, spanish-boy is too adorable. Being our last day we were doing the usual ritual of friends who aren't really friends, but know they won't hang anymore. (I hate times like this, it's like if you could just put these people into permanent slots of your life. But where else will I see all the kids from spanish class? I never see them around campus, we don't have the same friends...it's just hard.) I felt like I did my first quarter last year, but with philosophy boy (hehe, they all are subject named.) Of course, philosophy boy was also raver boy, which led to quite an exciting Christmas break.

Anyway, spanish boy,Mike, was just asking about my boyfriend. How old he was, what he looked like, and such. He told me he was going to ask me out earlier in the quarter. (yeah, like I already guessed that one ;) I don't really know what angle he was trying to pull today other than wistful "what could have been"'s. I gave him my number so we could study together monday night for the final.

Study groups make me nervous. So a one-on-one is even more stressful. This is just a grand opportunity to show how ditzy and dumb I am in spanish. He's been getting A's on everything too. I'm just gonna have to make sure I study my ass off before we get together, so I won't look like a total fool. But hopefully it'll be fun as well as knowledgable.

I'm going to a date party tonight with Jeff and Sig Chi. Not anything too formal. Semi-formal, but more like church clothes dressy...but slutty. Make sense? Hah, we're just going out to eat at a nice place, then going back to siggy chi for lots of liquor. Everyone is supposed to bring a bottle of choice. Yaa. Hopefully this will be a beer-less night. I would love to get really really drunk.

One last yaa, to put my first quarter of my sophomore year away. (Then onto studying....)


It was a day for advisors. My assigned advisor wasn't in when I went in so I saw some random. He seemed a rather cheerful man. Gave me my papers but we really didn't sit down and discuss. I guess it was better this way. I was expecting a long heartful aglaia bashing "I don't want to major in anything", "I'm not good at anything" talk. But instead I was just on my way. Good. Leave the suffering for my *real* advisor ;) So from there I go to the study abroad offices.

I'm in the process of filling out a ticket to be in line to see an advisor, and I look up and there's this girl Alisa there.

I went on my first life changing youth group trip with this girl the summer after my sophomore year in high school. She was Jewish, and I was coming out of an almost anti-religion upbringiing. We clung to each other at the scaryness of "we want to save you" Christian speakers and bonded over girly giggles and deep "what do you believe" talks under starry nights. I thought she was one super cool gal, but while we had fun on the trip, she didn't attend anything else, and she was friend of a friend and I never really saw me again.

I'm sure my face lit up, as I, "Heeey! How have you been"-ed her. She gave me a look, then respond with the usuals.

I'm still not sure she recognized me.

Haha, I think she knew that she knew me from some where, but I could totally forgive her for not remembering a little one week trip practically four years ago.

So she asks me where I'm going, motioning towards my "Greece" flyer in my hand and I tell her that I want to study abroad and greece. She tells me how she loves Greece and she's been there so many times, AND she thinks she going there this summer. She then pulls me away into privacy and is like, "you don't want to study abroad there. Study abroad yes! but not at Athens, the program sucks." So we get to talking, exchange numbers and plan on getting together to talk, even possibly going there together.

I still don't know if she knows who I am ;) Haha, but I am *so* excited. Well, goodbye studying abroad I guess. I think now I may just plan a trip for Greece/Italy. That would be easier to plan and arrange, and, if I go with Alisa, she can show me around to all the cool places! I am so very excited. I hope Cynthia is still in for a "trip for fun". Anyway, that's the aglaia scoop.

Out.






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