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Jeff's fuck you and FIGHT!

7 October 2000

Hi.

Trauma on the homefront.


So yesterday, it's Friday. To begin the day I think some guy from Spanish class was trying to ask me out ;) He didn't say anything direct necessarily, but he just had that look to his actions and face that he wanted to. Or I could just be really full of myself. ;)

I spend most of my time "lazying" around, and uh...sleeping, cuz that's what I always do. Went down town to the mall and spent another 40 dollars on a sweater/turtleneck, sigh, I need to stop spending my money!

Oh tangent, update on my Thursday night "adventures" with the restaurant crew, I for some reason told people at the table I could orgasm in one minute time. great Aglaia.

Okay, so I come home and start getting ready. There's this little hole in the wall bar that has a really popular happy hour, and I wanted to go. By the time we're ready (me and some other girls) we get there a half hour before happy hour ends, but oh well. I drink a Sex On the Beach (yum!), a long island and a shot of that "stuff" I had back on my "throw up" thursday. Good to see that i've gotten over that ;)

Haha, I ran into this girl from Spanish class...who I've barely talked to, and we were like giving each other hugs and giggling together like we were best friends or something. This girl is a doll though, and it's funny because from the moment I met her in class I was thinking, "I should RUSH this girl!" So I told her about our house, and I think she might actually come to one of our events in a couple of weeks. That would be so cool!

Left the bar to go back to the house. We still had like a half hour before the Sigma Chi "TG" that night. So I slick on some lip-stick and re-brush my hair and I'm ready to go. We all head over there (black pant parade) and enter the house to see a porch filled with a couple bins of beer. Go inside, do a little dancing and play some flip-a-cup. Meet a couple guys (couldn't tell ya their names) and even talk to Heidi's "hottie josh". A little later on, I see Jeff outside (yaa). It was his best friend's 21st b-day (Cameron) so they had just got back from bar hopping. (Where's Cameron?) Uh, they said something about a hospital, but I think they were joking ;)

Hung out with him and his other UA friend for awhile. Went back inside, did a little dancing. I was really really drunk by this point. So jeff and I dance in our own little world, and we're having fun and what not. I have to go to the bathroom, so I go really quick and when I come out he's not around.

So this guy Eric, (who I had met earlier, and had been dancing with as well) starts dancing with me again. So we're dancing, and all of a sudden, my sister Amber pulls my arm and I turn around and Jeff is giving me the finger and storming out. oops.

--haha, but wait, did he just give me the finger?? (I thought that was the funniest thing in after-thought ;)


So he's rushing out, and I'm tripping and falling out after him. He's saying something like, "..don't talk to me, I'm mad at you.." and I'm following him down the street sort of dazed and "wha??"

So we keep walking, and he's just like power walking home, and I'm saying, "please stop, let's talk, yadda yadda!" But he won't stop. I don't even know if he will let me come inside once he gets back to his house (the party was at someone's home, not at the fraternity), but he does. We walk up stairs, and his room is locked (I'm betting Bill was gettin some action ;) and we go down the hall into Garret's room.

Jeff is on the other side of the room fuming, and I'm on the couch on the opposite side. I'm still pleading with him to talk to me, and he's screaming at me. He's telling me how he never gets angry, that he's so upset with me. He tells me Fuck You and "..you pratically had your hands down the guy's pants, 'bout to go home and sleep with him...". He tells me to go back keep dancing with him, yadda yadda.

Then I'm crying, and I'm still pleading for him to talk to me, and that I'm sorry, and that I care so much about him.... At some point I'm over by him where he's sitting at someone's desk, like on my knees begging him.

Oh dear diaryland, I'm not....I don't cry over boys. I know this is silly or whatever, but I've never, well maybe, but I mean, I just don't. And I'm on my knees crying. And I'm so drunk. I mean, that's no excuse, and I understand, maybe I shouldn't have been dancing with some other guy. I admit, while we weren't grinding or anything...well, I like to get down while I'm dancing. I go all out.

But it had nothing to do with liking the guy, Eric or anything like that. If anything, he was just a body and he started dancing with me, and I danced back...I like to dance. It wouldn't have bothered me if Jeff was dancing with other girls. (I might make a little side comment here to diaryland about it ;) haha, but I mean...for the most part I brush stuff off like that. Now....if he had been kissing someone, I might have...been a little bothered by that!

I feel like, in Jeff's position, he should have kind of made a joke about cutting in or something, and taken me away to dance with himself. That's probably what I would have done.

So finally, Garrett comes into the room (probably like, huh what are you doing in my room? ;) and Jeff tells him that I don't know how to get home and would he take me (because Jeff kept on telling me to leave...la la la, I can't just leave someone angry at me like that!) So whatever, Jeff stood up and walked towards his room, and I told Garrett goodbye and, "...Jeff isn't talking to me." and walked down the stairs, out the door, and started sprinting. (Sometimes I run when I'm really drunk.)

I'm sure I looked like a wild mess. Lone woman, sprinting down a sidewalk full of groups and peoples, tears streaming down her face and probably not running in the straightest of lines if you can imagine. ;) But I certainly got home faster, came up the stairs balling and passing sisters shrieking "he's never going to talk to me! He's never going to talk to me again!" and finally into my room, and passed out on my bed. (hmm, that didn't take me long to fall asleep ;)

So yeah, that's my story. My stomach is all queasy from thinking about it. (But thankfully not hungover ;) I haven't cried about it this morning. I'm sort of...I feel helpless? Like, I'm sort of laughing about it to myself, only because...things like this don't happen to me.

I've never had someone mad at me...certainly never had someone say fuck you to me. I've never been so pathetically girl playing out a scene from a movie crying like I was last night to a guy to forgive me. I know it's in my place to call him and see what's up and apologize again, but at the same time, I want him to call me and apologize for cussing me out. And I can't downplay what happened, because I know that would just make him mad.

But I was just dancing with someone else. I wasn't getting up on him, or kissing him or anything like that. It just feels so random. And i know this would have to go under "jealous boyfriend" whatever, but it didn't feel like....

It felt like I hurt him so much. Like all he was giving me was his anger, but I just saw his hurt.

Okay maybe I will cry, now. Because I don't want to hurt anyone.

And definitly not someone who means so much to me.






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