16 December 2000

Yo.

So I just wrote about four different opening paragraphs and I deleted them all.

What is on my mind anyway?

Hey, don't you hate it when you want to have sex but you're on your period? Yeah, it sucks.

It's 3:30+ in the morning, I guess my brain isn't functioning here.

Jeff's buddy Cam is having a party tomorrow night. Attire is dressy. Drinks are kegs and liquor of your choice (BYO).

Should be interesting. I just bought this dress the other day. Strapless, black, a little decor around the top and down the middle of it. (Reflects the light, but not so much sparkle, if that makes any sense?) Anyway, understated design, and the simple black color. It's the body hugging fit that makes its statement.

I've got quite the hips on me. I look a lot better when I can show off my waist to balance the hips and encourage an hour glass figure opposed to the pear.

So I look fantastic from the side, sexy at an angle, and uh, a little wide going straight on. But oh well. I bought it anyway. I needed something. :)

I was thinking of being "bad" though. See, I can fit the tag right inside of the dress. So....well, first of all there's a bit of a tear on the side of it that I just noticed. So it needs to be taken back and exchanged. BUT, I mean, it's "semi-formal"-ish. It's likely, that the next time I'd need something semi-formal would be for a date party....which Jeff would attend (assuming we're in this for a long run ;) and I think we are....)

So, it's like, I would probably go out and buy something new anyway. When am I going to wear or need this dress? I think I'm going to wear it tomorrow, and if it doesn't smell like smoke and I don't spill any drinks on it (that might be hard, I like to spill alcohol on myself ;) then it's going back baby!

But i'm also kind of torn. I mean, let's say I do decide to keep it....then now is the time to take it back and exchange it. Although, i'm not sure if I remember another medium being on the rack. So what's a girl to do?

I dunno.

Depending on when you catch me I'm making pretty good money at work. I need to work more Saturdays and Fridays it turns out! It's just so hard to commit to a F/S when I'm at school. I mean who knows when some function would come up--and F/S are a hard shift to get covered.....because while people need money, us kids still need to party and take a break from school!!

Since Jeff wants to go to Cancun for Spring Break (and I *really* want him to go as well--still of course assuming we are together then--I hate projecting) he is considering living at home for a quarter.

Well....Spring Break is fun, but I don't know if it's worth staying at home for a quarter. Obviously it would be different for him to stay at home, opposed to *me*. (He'd probably have a car, wouldn't have a curfew, and could basically do whatever he wanted.) Me on the other hand would basically be screwed. But I still think you would miss out being away from campus life. You get left out of spontaneous plans, people forget to tell you about greek events, you get out of touch with friends (people change a lot, in just one quarter in college, I think!), and even though we don't live that far from campus, it still sucks to drive 10/15 minutes to get here....and then to sober up so you can drive back home, you know?

Also...I think it would be hard on us. I don't have a car to go and spend time with him. It's not like our random phone calls at 2 in the morning of "hey come over!". And I couldn't sleep over if he was at home. It would just really suck. I don't know..... I just don't know if Cancun is worth all that.

So, we'll see.

Like I love to say I'm independent dependent. Basically if I spend a lot of time around someone, I totally adore and want to spend every second with them. Girls/guys, this goes for everyone or anything really. I just get addicted to stuff easily ;) But as soon as I'm not with that person, or doing that activity all the time....I find something else to fill my time with. Not like, just because Jeff lives at home I'd want to break up, and I'm sure we could handle it, I just...

I don't know, it's hard to explain. Basically don't give me the opportunity to cheat on you. And I don't know how to say it without sounding like it's nothing, because it's not, and not even cheating, like....I would actually do anything. Or I want to do anything. I have no willpower.

But if I'm not with Jeff a lot, my mind will wander....to other people. And....let me wander enough, I don't know if I trust myself.

But I certainly wouldn't trust myself at Cancun. I can gaurantee you right now that I will have a "flick aglaia off" moment if I go to Cancun Jeffless. It's just how it would go down. And I'm still saying, it's not like I would be off sleeping with someone, but I *know* I'm going to be skanky clad, grinding up on guys, and probably sharing a couple friendly kisses here and there.

But basically, I would have a lot more fun sharing a crazy filled week with my boyfriend. I would love to be showing off the skin to him, to be grinding up on him (and hopefully a whole lot more ;)

But the whole stay at home for a quarter thing... I don't know if that's a good idea either. I'm rambling..

Has anyone read any good books lately? I just finished "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" but Heinlen (sp?). It was good, but no where near hitting the beauty of Stranger...

I was *such* the dork, watching my Dune miniseries on Sci-Fi though. I thought it was incredibly well done, especially since I had heard such terrible things about the last movie done on it. The acting was fantastic, I was impressed with the special effects for not being a "hollywood" movie, and it stayed pretty true to the story. And hey, my 5 minute screen time man "Jamis" made it in. Yaa.

So I could probably stay in the sci-fi genre of reading, but I think I want to read a classic. Anyone know of a classic that are not too heavy (in symbolism and such) that I won't follow, but still has a good tale to tell? Let me know.

I adore Jeff's UA friends. Here is this close group of guys. It's kind of adorable to witness. I mean at Sigma Chi sure they're his brothers--but you look at his HS friends and there you see his true brothers.

It's a good thing to see. And they're good guys too. I mean Tim had such bum friends. And what made it worse was his friends had a lot of potential they were just such burn outs. Jeff's friends are really good guys.

It's weird though. When I hang out at Sig Chi...it's a completely different feeling from when I hang out with his HS friends. I mean I guess there's times where I feel intimidated by both groups. And I've been hanging out with his HS friends all through the summer and on, but I still feel....I don't know, like I need to prove myself as this really awesome girl, deserving of Jeff? Haha, I don't know.

But it feels good to be...."in" with his boys? Like I think I made it, even though I don't act like I am. But here I am, calling each other by nicknames, the boys playing jokes on me. It's good.

Let's all stop now and give thanks to a loving Lord, the beautiful I AM, for letting aglaia get two A's and two B's on her first quarter of her sophomore year. (yaa.) Quick shout to dlove for his fab quote, "Fuck me gently with a blender" (Hahah, uh, if you knew me, then you would know why that's funny. ;). And another to the87loft for being my fave of the moment. This girl is a great read!

-ag