27 April 2000

Hear Hear for good days and happiness.

I went home for a few hours. Worked myself until I turned deliciously purple out in my background on the dance. I had a zen moment. We end on our back and on the ground, in a tight pencil shape.

It would have been perfect for a cathedral light moment, the trees criss-crossed above me, fringing into their own unique patterns. Green leaves, twigs, the tickling underneath me; the surface hard, firm, secure.

And then me heaving, cuz I'm so out of shape. No, it was good conditioning I'm glad I did it. Then I came in ate a chicken patty and was sucked into VH1's 90 top videos. Very happily one of my all time fave songs (as well as videos)--Guns n Roses "November" came on--and of course they cut it just as the song was getting good. Sigh, I hate how I'm sucked into watched TV.

Mesmerized.

It seems when I come home, that everyone leaves me. Not that I mind terribly, it's just curious that I'm away in college, I come home to spend the evening there, and everyone progresses to leave me there all by myself. Four people. Gone. So I spent it with my cat (it's so weird to be with her knowing how close she was to being put to sleep the other day!) and read some plays for acting. Didn't find any monologues, but I found some hilarious scene parts. All angry, profanity yellin' girls. I was practicing in my basement:

"You think I'm kidding, don't you? You think, well, Lisa's just having a little episode, it'll all blow over, chalk it up to boyish exuberance, hit the sack? Who the fuck do you think you are, James Bond? (pause) Did you use a condom? [Why?] Because you slept with her, and then you slept with me, and you don't know who she's been fucking, do you, Don. DO YOU?"

Hehe. That is so not me. I would *love* to play something like that on stage. Maggie was fun because I got to have some yelling scenes. I get cast as that beautiful, ditzy girl too much, it would be fun to have a strong character. A strong woman.

I'm weak.

I just wonder if my partner (could) or would (want) to play this scene. It would definitly be me leading it, not him. He gets to be the "but, but, but...." guy, not really saying anything. We're both more soft spoken. But hey, that's why they call it acting.

Aww my guitar boy signed on...said hi, then immediately got off. Doesn't he know I want his MP3s? Hehe.

I wish I could just see Chris tomorrow. I'm about to screw the TG and take him to a movie. I'd rather do that anyway. I don't feel like dancing. (could it be?!) No, no, no. No negativity. Busy week, I need to go out and just have a good time. I can make anything happen. ;)

I feel like there's something deep and meaningful I want to say but I don't know what. God, I think I'm just happy this week is over.

(Randomly opens up her quote book--maybe there's something good in here?)

"The contradictions so puzzling to the ordinary way of thinking comes from the fact that wa have to use language to communicate our inner experience which in its very nature transcends linguistics."

Yep.