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Moby, confirmed "coupledom" and my T.A.'s smile.

23 April 2000

Moby rocks.

That was nice, my mom got me his new cd "Play" for Easter, and it's good. Real good. You can feel his musical connection with his work. I saw him play live in Panama City and I swear I had a spiritual experience. He's just amazing. And it's great, inside his cd cover are these mini "essays" just sort of random thoughts concerning some things he thinks about, and I completely agreed with all of them. I love music.


I was supposed to write out my character analysis and history background for my invented character for my open scene in acting. I'm meeting with my partner tomorrow, but I haven't done any of the work for it. I meant to, but somehow I never did get to it. I'm not sure when I can do it, it's going to take me awhile. I suppose after school tomorrow, before chapter meeting. That's going to kick my ass.

I have a boyfriend. Chris. We had that talk. I just adore him. I am so in honeymoon love, it's deleriously wonderful. I haven't had a real officialized boyfriend in so long, I'm silly and giddy thinking about it. We really do work so well together, I'm so excited.

We were lying in bed, well last night and this morning, and I just want to continue laughing when I'm with him. I really enjoy him. I don't know how to say it, just this wonderful, good feeling. And I know it's totally coming from both ways. Hehe, I can't even believe I had that night where I first felt so anti-Chris, because now I feel so....right about what I'm doing. I think I just had a lot going on in my mind, and part of myself was really turned off with the idea of trying to start something up with this guy that lives in a different state and I just don't know at all...and he's taking me to a club to hang out with....girls?

Hah, but now...we really are a good mix. It feels so good to sleep with him...and not sex. We didn't have sex this weekend, it just felt so good to be with him, to wake up with him, and not worry about how you look or anything just like, just watching each other sleep, touching, and letting your hands slide along....his back, tracing the outline of his face, his ears, down his arms.

It was funny after we went to Crazy Louies on Friday, because I was so down on the whole club scene. I didn't understand what had happened to me, and then we're talking and he confesses the whole club thing wasn't doing it for

him either. But he got one step further than I did. He said he realized he didn't have a good time, because the whole club hopping, is about dressing up, trying to look cute, trying to be cool.....so you can pick someone up, you know? And he realized he wasn't there to pick up anyone, he had me, and it felt so good to just not even...to not even want to look, or try to get with anyone else, that things just started falling in line.

And i realized as he was saying it, that yeah, the club wasn't fun, because I wasn't trying to do any of those things either. I was there...with him.


My econ T.A. is a dick. I'm not one to curse, but that is what comes into my mind when I think of him. He hasn't done anything to me personally that would give me any validation to make this stament (sure, he could be a really nice, cool guy...but I think not. ;) He has this incredibly cocky attitude to him. With his slicked back, greasy hair, he looks so cheesy like a "hard ass" out of a movie. Fake tan. He's actually not bad looking, but I mostly just want to laugh when I look at him.

He has this smile. This crooked, creeped up grin on the corner of his lips, just on one side that he makes from time to time. Usually when he asks the class a question and we all stare back at him like, "duhhh" and he gets all exasperated...c'mon you idiots you know the answer, just tell me it, already.. As I sit there in class fantasizing about whichever guy..or girl I could be with, his lesson plan flowing through my ears, lazily rolling over my head and out the door, sometimes I think, c'mon, baby. Just give me that smile. That damn smile.That smile that is so condescending. That smile that puts me down. Puts us down. Which screams, I'm a dick. But I like it in some perverse way.

Yeah, that doesn't relate to anything. :)

Chris does this thing when we're making out. Like beyond making out (btw, i hate saying making out...if you've got a better phrase, lemme know all about it up there in my g-book.), like where you're at that point, where you just want to scream, oh god, fuck me, because I don't know if I take it any longer.. Well I never say that, but sometimes I think it. :)

So you're at that point, and my boy here has this moan. No, it's not a moan, it's like a whine, but not a whine, it's a....whimper. Like a puppy dog, who just wants a little bite from the food off the table. I am laughing so hard in my head when I hear it. I mean, I like it, it's cool. It's sort of a Chris thing. Something I'll always remember him with. His whimper. His fuck me now, please whimper. I love it.


Do you like how I just said I don't curse, and I said fuck like three times up there. Okay. I don't, really. But I do. Not with people, but I think it. When I'm with myself, I say fuck like you wouldn't believe. Shit, damn.

Sometimes it slips out when I'm out with people, and I don't know who it shocks more--me or or my friends. I don't like it really, it's crude, and it turns me off.

But sometimes,

It turns me on.

Haha, I am so giddy right now. I think it's Moby. I think he's turning me on. hahahahaa.


Porcelain by Moby is absolutely beautiful. Download it today.

"Fundamentalism (of any kind) troubles me. The world is too big and too intricate to conform to our ideas of what it should be like....Trying to understand the world can be fun and, at times, helpful. But if we base our belief systems on the humble assumption that the complexities of the world are antologically beyond our understanding, then maybe our belief systems will make more sense and end up causing less suffering."--Moby.






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