16 April 2002

Ever been revved up but tired at the same time? That's kind of how I feel now. I feel kind of raced...like I need to be doing something or going somewhere...but really, there's nothing.

Maybe I just don't feel like being here (parent's house). I'm waiting on some laundry, but I just want to go.

I feel bad, last night Jeff definitly wanted to have sex, but I was so completely dead tired. La.

So I feel like now, that I need to go over there and make it up to him. It's strange but I just realized that I get really non-sexual the week before my period. Which usually just makes problems between me and Jeff, because it's like we're going two weeks without having sex (the week before, and then the week through my period). And I know it sucks, but you can't help it if you simply don't feel sexual.

I had lunch today with Mike. It was nice. The day before we were talking on AIM, and the talk got to the great weather. I mentioned how I always wanted to go to the oval (huge grassy area in the middle of campus) to just hang out, but I never have anyone to go with. Haha, I knew I was leading that one, and was just waiting to hear him invite himself in...and he did, he said he had an hour break in between classes. And I followed up that we should eat lunch together on the oval.

We met at a Subway then walked over.

It's weird when you're trying to develop a friendship with someone, because when you have to actively pursue it, it's...weird, I don't know. Like, most of the time you make your friends naturally, either in shared activities, or some type of environment that throws you together. But when you have to go out of your way to spend time together and get to know each other...it's like you're dating.

And i know in this case it's even more obvious, becuase i do have a "crush" on him (just a crush, don't worry :) but really in any situation, like back when I was trying to be Amanda's friend, i think the reason it didn't work, because we had to basically set aside our schedule and come together on planned dates. And having Jeff that's especially hard. We're together almost all the time, and if we're not it's because one or the other is working that night.

But lunch today was nice. Haha, when i got to subway I was so gross and sweaty. I like the warm weather, but going from the 50s to the high 80s is way too much on my body. But sitting out on the oval was really chill. We had a nice shady spot and just talked for about an hour about whatever. I can't really remember anything specific just general stuff. Which was good, we've been talking on AIM for awhile and it's easier to idealize the person you are talking to, it's not normal or real even.

Alright, i gotta go,

ag.