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Problems at work, "rekindling" my desire & feeling the "slow burn"

23 November 2003

So the last entry was a false alarm--just PMS as usual. I woke up the next day feeling awesome. I mean, I was on a high. I saw Jeff that night and we had fantastic sex. Haha.

Ahh, the life of being a mood-swinging, PMS girl.

This whole last week of work I did nothing but back track. Which I suppose must be "part" of my work since this has to happen occasionally--or perhaps a lot, I'll have to go with it and see.

What happened was no one person's fault. As I was coming into speaker management for our conference some of the initial work had already been in progress. Then, as information came in, some of it was coming to me and some of it wasn't. At one point there were three people looking at the same information but with different agendas/projects. Now, as we're about to go to print and I'm seeing it all come together...I'm noticing errors. And then my supervisor is noticing errors. And then...

A week of backtracking begins. Argh, we could have made some changes and had a somewhat "flawed" program but all the information necessary would have been provided. But my supervisor wanted to "do it right" since we still had the opportunity to do so. And I agreed it should be done right--to a point ;) The problem with the changes we were making is that I've already sent off bits and pieces of the program to other people. So everytime we changed something I had to think about every little bit of the program that might be affected and let the person know--pulling out that specific information all over again.

I know this isn't making sense, sorry this is for me! :) Anyway after changing EVERYTHING (fwding on the supposed "correct" information to people each time) three separate times, I think we finally had it all figured out. I must admit, at one point I was pretty angry with my supervisor. She was having me change things...that didn't really need to be changed. By keeping some things as is the program would have been perfectly fine--completely okay and then she'd point something out (that I would have no way of knowing ahead of time) and then I would have to go back and fix everything...again.

ARGH! I don't want to be a bad meeting planner and start skimping on the details (since that's what this position is all about), but I don't think she really understood what I had to go through every time she adjusted something. It wasn't as simple as just changing a few numbers on the original document, like I said it had this domino effect into other areas including information that three other people had (and each person has a number of documents). So not only would I have to fix the mistake, I would then I have to pull out all this information for other people. I know I'm repeating myself, but...let's just say it sucked.

We have a new employee at work. She is essentially our "receptionist" but we have a fancy name for her. I am *so* glad I don't have to answer the phone anymore. It's amazing how having that responsibility really cut into my work time. Plus, over half the time I was personally unable to answer their question so then began the process of understanding what the person wants (huge part of the battle) then finding someone in the office who knew what I was talking about (I was usually still confused on what exactly I was trying to answer), and then ultimately to get an answer and give that back to the caller.

I did learn something: I would not be a very good receptionist! I'm not a phone person and probably never will be. I hate even calling the pizza guy because it seems like no matter what when I make a call like that a question comes up that I am unprepared for. I hated not being able to help the callers. I hated not knowing what they were asking for (even after having them repeat the question/situation 3 times over)--plus i am awful at hearing names/numbers correctly.

People have to speak to me like a child because I am simply not a verbal learner. ("May I tell them who's calling?"--"I'm sorry can you repeat that?"--"Could you spell the last name?"--"What was that again?"<<---Do you catch my drift?)

Anyone ever heard of the herbal supplement "Rekindle" for women? I can't remember where I saw it...I think I was looking up carb-blocker information or what not and somehow I ended up in a "women's" section. Having had some sexual dysfunction I've always wished my doctor could give me the magic pill that gave me a sex drive and some moisture down there. I thought what the hell, and I bought "Rekindle" at Kroger.

Well, I've been using it for a couple of weeks now, and I've only been taking half the dosage it suggests but--and this could all be in my mind, I love placebos--I think it's actually working! After a week of using it I had two back-to-back nights of finger fun with Jeff and I had *the* most amazing orgasms of my life. I mean, absolutley amazing.

Or maybe that's the magic of jeff? ;)

But, since taking the supplement my orgasms having but a whole lot stronger. Plus, I also think the juices have been flowing better. The sex drive is still the same though. I swear the pill just kills me. I mean when I'm off the pill for my "period week" I feel extremely sexual. I fantasize all week and want to have sex (what luck that I can't then, huh?). But then as soon as I'm back on the pill it's like I'm sucked dry (mentally & physically!). And I know it affects the relationship--it's probably our biggest issue, the only real thing that causes problems.

But how do you force yourself to have sex when you really don't feel like it? On top of the fact that even when you *do* feel like it you're so dry you can't even do the deed anyway? That's a lot of pressure.

Does anyone do the "slow burn" weight-lifting? I think I'm going to give it a try. Basically, it's lifting weight very slowly--without momentum so that you bring your muscles to fatigue at a quicker and more effective rate. I might have to try it at home for awhile with free weights before I go to the gym to try it.

I already feel silly when I lift weights because--and I hate this--I'm a woman. Girls still look out of place with the machines. On top of worrying about if I'm using a machine incorrectly I also feel stupid using so little weight. So doing the "slow burn" method is just going to make me feel like I stand out even more (why is she lifting that weight so slow?) AND since I'll be doing everything very slow I'm going to have to use and lower weight than I do now, probably. Grrh. I think the method would work though. It'll just be hard to change from my usual routine.

And if I didn't mention it in my last entry everyone really should check out "She's Not There" by Jennifer Boylan. It's about a transgendered person beginning from a little boy who always thought he was a girl through his/her transition into a woman. Ahh, from boy to woman--how interesting! *wink* What's amazing is you really see him--as a her--from the beginning. And this is a woman who knows what it feels like to be a girl, see that so perfectly portrayed from a "man" it's very intesting.

I think it is a really important book that all people should read. Even as an (almost) double major with Women's Studies we really didn't touch on transgendered lives to much other than a few articles/definitions in the ol' 101 class. There is a whole group of people out there completely misunderstood and I think you'll agree that Jenny is a beautiful and amazing person for all that she has experienced. Plus, she's a NY times best seller (even before the "switch") so the book flows very nicely and her humor and style is great.

So check it out!

Three years ago I was feeling awfully pissy. Sound familiar? I'm still looking for thatsomething and not finding it.

Two years I was rambling. And yes, Spanish class really does cause depression.

One year ago I was complaining about school. Ahh, hahaha, i am so glad I'm done with that! :)

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