09 January 2003

Grrr...I am so angry right now...but before I get to that I want to comment on my last entry. Well, I did call him that evening around 3am, but he didn't answer. I slept pretty well without him. ;) But I was also pretty tired by that point.

The next day at work he instantly flashed me a smile and hello when I walked in. (Okay, I thought. We're going to do the whole 'last night didn't happen thing.') But, he ends up coming over and he apologized for being a jerk and he tells me that he had a pretty rough night, feeling woozy and what not from being so drunk. (Oh!)

I didn't even know he was drunk. See what an observant person I am!. Haha, but I guess I never really know when he's drunk, but that type of annoying/hyper behavior does seem like something I remember of him being drunk in the past. I just never realize it's from the alcohol because he doesn't act drunk...like you'd think a college boy would act drunk. He's not wild and crazy (at least not at this age with me he's not) and out of control. Frequently he'll tell me the day after we go out drinking how drunk he was and I'll never even know.

So...while being drunk is not an excuse (which he admitted) it is at least an explanation. One of which I'm willing to accept. If that's the worst I have to deal with (a boyfriend that puts his cold hands on me even though I don't want him too...and even after I tell him to stop repeatedly) I think I will manage. Although it doesn't mean I'll like it any better. ;) Besides we don't get drunk all that often so I don't have to deal with it really at all.

Although, he didn't mention the whole comment about him not respecting me, but I still feel my whole argument about me not being able to get mad at him (without him getting mad at my anger) still holds true. But I guess I'll have to wait until another situation occurs to see if that's true or not.

I had a reasonably crappy night at work. I had one person leave me 20% while everyone held a standard 15 or lower. How I wish to write up some restaurant rules and mass email them, then put some dumb "you must email this to 20 people or be cursed" message at the bottom so everyone forwards it. The world must be educated!. Grr, leaving 15% is not being nice, to me it's an insult. I gave excellent service tonight, was especially friendly, gave away free food out of the good of my heart (I gave some guy a bowl of soup to give it a try because he was from out of town and didn't charge him even though he ate it all and free coffee, etc) and I got nothing in return. C'mon people. This is my rent money you're tipping me. I never see a paycheck, okay!

I went home (parent's house)after work. I told myself as I was getting out of the car that it would be a "short visit" but I don't know who I was kidding. A stop at the house always ends up being a 3 hour or more ordeal. I don't know, with my mother trapped in a home with an antisocial husband (he's a wonderful husband and dad he just has the type of personality where he likes to do stuff on his own) and a dysfunctional brother (he's pretty much almost failed out of college and doesn't understand why he "has to take a shower and shave" everyday, sigh) I think my mom is so happy to have another female to talk to that our visits turn into long chats.

And...gasp, I kind of like them. I mean, I almost always leave disgusted and bitter (my mom has that effect on me ;) but I kind of like rattling off my tales and seeing the reactions I get from her...even though I know what they'll probably be. I don't know. Just want my mom to be proud of me. Don't we all?

So, I finally arrive on campus around midnight and my boy hasn't even called! I tried getting ahold of him but it went to voicemail. :(

I'm putting my room together when a roommie comes in the room, shuts the door and pulls me away from the vents and starts whispering, "I know this is gossip but..." Don't you love that?

Unfortunately, it's gossip about me, which I'm less pleased about. Over winter break I went to Sam's Club (it's a "super store" that pretty much supplies everything in bulk) and bought $50 dollars worth of supplies for the house. Earlier in the year a couple of the girls had said it would be a good idea to do something like that (especially because it makes a great value to buy TP in bulk because we go through it so quickly), plus a roomie that was around over break said she would be fine helping with the cost if I decided to go.

So, I buy the supplies (~74 rolls of TP--extra large rolls, 75 trash bags, and 15 paper towel rolls). As people came back I told them what I bought and asked if they'd be willing to help pay for some of the cost. Everyone I've talked to agreed. So what did this roomie hear?

Jenny was bitching to Heidi that she didn't ask me to buy anything so she didn't want to pay for it.

What the fuck, you know?

It's like...so frustrating sometimes living with all these people. First of all, we should be good enough friends at this point that if you really didn't want to pay for the stuff you should be comfortable enough to have said something when I *ASKED YOU* about it! Grr, and if she was awake I would go in there right now and probably be pretty bitchy about it. I'm sick of her bitching about other people and not doing a damn thing about it. She's complained to me about people's music being too loud before, and it's like GO FUCKING TELL THEM ALREADY!

No one in this house would be rude enough to refuse to turn down their music, especially because we talked about it in our house meeting. I mean, how is someone to know if their music is too loud unless if you tell them? It's completely beyond me. I am really offended that she goes around talking about me too. I mean, don't pay the $6.00 if you don't want to. But why not?! She *is* going to be using the TP, she *is* going to be using the garbage bags, and I know she uses the paper towels, because she's boughten them before.

I don't know if her issue is because we've all just bought it on our own so far, so maybe she feels resentment that I never paid her for something, or what the problem is. All I know, is last quarter I pumped in over 65 rolls of TP, and the minute I stopped, we didn't have TP for a week. It's kind of like...I don't want to be the only one buying it, and it's more cost effective to buy it from Sam's anyway. Plus, we've all been randomly buying paper towels so I didn't see why we shouldn't just buy a pack of them. And obviously, we need garbage bags. It's just beyond me.

But I suppose nothing should surprise me from a person who said doing a draw for room picks was "unfair." (Huh?)

I hope I have the drive to say something to her tomorrow. Everything in me wants to go in angry and tell her to keep her money, and just be a bitch about it, but I know it should be more constructive, and more importantly, by tomorrow I won't feel like dealing with it. I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, what, should I take all of my supplies out of the kitchen and basement and tell people to fend for themselves? I don't know why you would have a problem paying for something that you are...using. I mean everyone is either paying 6.50 or 3.00 (second floor girls are using the TP) and I'm paying closer to 9.00 to make up for tax and what not, so it's not like I'm making money off the deal.

I don't understand her. I am the most...."pleaser" type person. That's my personality, and it kind of sucks, because I'm constantly doing things to get the approval of others. I am not the type of person people talk about or complain about, because I'm always trying to do...good things, and do the right thing. So I buy fucking supplies and all of a sudden I'm robbing my roommates for asking them to chip in, when they are getting FULL use out of everything I bought? I am so confused.

BTW, class sucks.

When do I graduate again?