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pity party, they put too many rules on the Greek system

29 April 2001

(Note: This was written in a brief fury of tears and heighted frustration. :))


I�m sick of it. I�m sick of it all. I just want to be able to do what I want to do. This damn greek system. I fucking hate it. I hate it all. I hate all the bickering girls who talk trash about each other. I�m sick of this school trying to regulate us. I�m sick of rules. I�m sick of following them. I�m sick of being restricted from my life, my choices, and my mistakes. I�m paying a whole lot of fucking money, and I should be able to run my life however I want. If that means making mistake after mistake til I�m withering away into nothing, than so be it. If I wanted restriction I�d fucking go to my parents and they can do it.

And I can hate them for it, but respect them for it. And love them later no matter what. But here, it just eats away and festers, until I�m so bloody angry and upset, that I don�t know what to do with my frustration. And this pout never seems to leave my face. I feel like I�m in prison here. There�s no escape. What�s the point of being in this?

Why are they doing this to us? They�re putting me in misery (as well as every other girl in a sorority).

I love Jeff, and I wouldn�t have met him without this experience. I wouldn�t have done any of these wonderful things, or gotten to know all these great girls (ahem super six). But truthfully, I�m disconnected from my girls as a whole. I don�t know if it�s just a thing with my sorority specifically or a wide spread thing. Jeff�s frat is just as big as mine and they have a whole lot more brotherhood than we do. It�s amazing that girls who can have such a bigger circle of friends, be so much more disconnected. We are far too bitchy for anything like this. Am I in the wrong house or something?

Because I like getting a long with people. I like being the mediator. I like putting things back together, and I would never talk about people the way these people talk�...about girls who are supposed to be closer to you than anyone.


I�ve got that hate feeling. That PMS I hate the world, I hate living, I hate you, I hate this, I hate. I�ve got that, damn I�m such a girl, a stupid, whining girl. I�ve got that stop moaning, stop your pity party, stop thinking you�re the only one, because you�re not. I�ve got that �this will be so insignificant in the long run� knowing, but a big �fuck you� cuz I still got to suffer through the moment now.

I�ve got that, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry until I stop being. Or just be in my mother�s arms. And she�s not saying a thing, just holding me, and I know that she loves me.

This is the stuff that life is made up of, and it�s what living includes.

I make things ten times worse than they really are. I build up pressure and stress in my mind and in my head until I�m like this, sobbing and complaining, and bitching out to the world. I�ve got a pretty damn good life, and I abuse it.






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