13 June 2001

Gasp. Is she actually writing an entry?

If you haven't given up on me (and I know I would have by now) I'm back again. Not like I ever went away, just I was too busy, or too tired, or too distracted, or more honestly, too lazy to get on and write up an entry....probably because no matter how little I have to say, I end up typing for hours, and that's kind of a...commitment, that I'm too lazy to keep.

So, the quarter ended, and I survived finals. I felt I left two of them literally feeling like I could have possibly socred 100's on them. I (of course) left my other two feeling like I scored closer to around 70's. :) Oh well, 100's are still impressive, right? I didn't care that much about Spanish, but after holding an "A" all quarter in stats I wasn't ready to lose it over an important final. Bummed, I actually spent my night just hanging out than celebrating the end of my sophomore year.

An Upper Classman. A junior. It has this scary, omg I'm getting old kind of a feeling. Not that I'm not young, just...maybe you're kind of at that stage where all of your youth and innocence is beginning to fade. I mean really, if you had any innocence....you probably lost it years before, but still, I mean, even just being 19, if you stand back and look at the age (and not as an "I'm so cool i'm 19-year-old) you are so fresh and new and still at heart a teenager.

At 20 I'm not so much smarter, or less ignorant or naive about the world, but it is another reminder that I'm getting older, and my lifestyles will begin to change. I'll actually get into my major this year. I hope I like it. I hope I can find something to be passionate about.

Jeff just found out last night that acting was my original dream (job). It was interesting to get that rise inside of me, it made me remember that I did use to have a passion, the same kind of thing I always find myself so jealous of from Jeff. But is it the same kind of driving passion? Am I just being too realistic, and should instead conquer my dream, or at least give myself a chance to run after it?

I remember reading about an actress in an article, and the interviewer asked her if she was worried going to school for theater, and not having anything to fall back on, and she responded, that if you're going to go after acting, theatre, or whatever, you can't have something to "fall back on" because that's too easy, and without trying, you will just revert to whatever you've kept there in the background.

And it kind of was like, yeah! because you just need to think, or at least feel that you are going to be an actor, and that's all there is to it. I do kind of wish I would have just done it, and if it didn't work out, you know, figure it out then. Will I regret not being in an acting school? I don't know.

And not that I think they aren't useful, I almost wish I could just go out to Cali during pilot season, and see if I could do it. That would be an amazing ride, experience.

So back to grades, I need to brag a little. :) Because, after suffering through some major stress and dilemma (ahem, the week of my birthday and the columbus Oakenfold concert), bitching and moaning, I am proud to present that after a 20 credit hour course load in challenging classes (to me ;) I came out with a 3.9(/4,0) how absolutely amazing is that?

To be honest, I still don't know how I got an A- in Spanish. I seriously thought that the best I could get would be an 88, I even sat down and calculated it. I guess that's just another reminder of how terrible in math I am! But anyway, I'm really excited, and while I don't want grades to continue to support my self-esteem and worth, I admit, this has been a major boost. I bragged away to my 'rents and Jeff (who really didn't want to hear it after I moaned the whole quarter about how I was going to "fail" every class ;)--yeah I'm one of *those* people) but no one else. And hey, it's okay, as long as I don't go and mass emailing everyone. :)

June 13th. Today it has been one year of being with Jeff in a serious relationship. True, the day was picked somewhat arbitrarily, but it's good to have that sense of orientation. (Sorry, it's a "word" emphasized in my religion class :) So yeah, I came up with the date because I was kind of researching back through old d-land entries, and while it could have been a little bit before, I think by June 13th we were definitly a couple. And after a year I can't tell you how in love I really am.

I still get that giddy "my boyfriend called me!" feeling everytime I answer the phone and it's him. I think up silly songs of love as I drive over to his house. The sex is just getting better, and everytime I'm with him, I feel compelled to tell him how much I adore him at least a few times, and him same to me. We're just really strong. We have our issues, and admittedly, I'm not sure if the whole "going out/drinking" issue is really resolved. But I'm working on it....we're working on it, and as the Bible says, with love you can get through anything, and I believe it.

My first day after moving back home, I already had a job. It's a bit cheesy but the place where Jeff works hired me. You're supposed to be 21, and hey they're supposed to give interviews, but I'm not complaining. I called them up to inquire, and they said "come in tonight to train!" And that was it! (cool.)

Tonight (Tuesday) was my third night and last training night--which is pretty awesome, because I don't have to take any tests or anything. If this works out like I hope, I've got a pretty great deal. The hours are nice (4:30-10!) and they're not open on Sunday. I've got to do the whole black pants, white button down and tie thing, but I can handle that if I'm making ~70-100 a night! I've decided that as long as I'm making more than an avg. night at my old restaurant, then I should be fine--and that was about 45-60. And as always, 10 dollars and hour, or at least 50 bucks make an okay-night. i just want more. :) Serving, is definitly a great way to make quick cash.

And I need some. I need a car fast!

(Did I just rhyme?) I'm going to COSI tomorrow (I think). I've wanted to go ever since the new one opened (what um, two november's ago?) but haven't made it. Not the most romantic annivarsary, but it'll be something different, and we've done the nice dinner and great sex thing many times before. :)

BUT, I wouldn't mind having the latter as a bonus, to a fun day spent at COSI....I'm scheduled to work, but I have one guy I can call who *maybe* will work me. Let's hope! Okay, I'm getting tired, but I realy will try to write more. Bye!

-ag