8 July 2000

Hello. Now this is what I call a good Friday night. Haha, just kidding. I watched Man on the Moon (good!) and ahem, played Mall Madness.

Wait what's that you said?

Yeah, I busted out a game from fifth grade and my brother played with me. We're bundles of fun over here, can't stop us. Haha, but seriously if you've ever played you would understand how funny it is to relive it. The voices--it's hilarious! Laughing... almost made me want to bust out the "Dream Date" game. Nothing is better than hearing the "secret" in the "phone" 'He looks good in WHATEVER he wears....(but he's not wearing yellow!)' Ha, uh, I'm sorry. You don't understand this at all. La la la...

My head hurts.

I have no money, I couldn't go out. I can't get a gyno appointment until like forever. My mom is getting all huffy about me having sex. Maybe the time lapse has given her time to think about it. Now she's laying it down heavy. What is the point of doing that? It's just going to make sex unhealthy in my mind. I mean, why should I have to feel bad or guilty about it because of her? Besides, what is the point of doing that now? She knows I'm not going to stop, I just really disagree with the way she's going about it.

I mean it's not straight out, you're a terrible person. But she's doing a lot of side-jabbing. Basically I thought you would have been a better person and waited junk. I don't understand it. She mentioned my religious background. I seriously hope she was talking about my youth group involvement not a religious upbringing. Because that is a joke, and she really has to know that. Our concept of God was "he is everywhere and everything, or, yeah..." that's all I got as a child. Or I don't even know, I don't know anything.

But why is she doing that to me? I know where my mind is at, where my choices are being made, and why I'm making them. She says, "Be honest with me." Then she harasses me when I do. It's exactly that kind of behavior that would make me hold back. I mean, that's great, get me on birth control, pay for it, do what you want to do, but don't hate on me at every stage. If it's going to be like this, then I would just manage on my own, pay for my own birth control, and get out of her mix.

I know it's her job as a mother to worry about her children, and no doubt the fears of disease and pregnancy are very real, but our sexual education programs are reasonably adequate to put out the basics, let you know of your risks, and you learn the rest along the way. I know my risks, I'm making my own decisions. Lay off. I hope I'm better with my children. Or maybe there is no better way, maybe it's always like this. Maybe she's doing what she has to do, and I'm acting out the teenager.

I lied. I think I did get about four hours of sleep last night, if even that. I ended up staying up later and talking to James. Then it took me awhile to go to sleep, I was still wired. My friend, James....his sexual thing, he likes to have his balls kicked. How strange is that. I don't know what to think of it...I guess I just don't--it's better that way ;) Haha, I mean, I guess he can't be the only one, but you wouldn't think that would be a widespread turn-on or what not. Hmm, do I have any weird wants? I don't think so. I really like it when a guy pays attention to my back--I think it gets ignored in the rush for breasts and other what nots. But that's the best foreplay for me, just to get my back kissed, and touched. I also love being kissed down the sides of my waist...also usually ignored. But being such a ticklish part, it actually responds real nicely to kisses and such. ;)

Jeff isn't ticklish at all. That's not fun, haha.