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Job Search, Woes me....

21 April 2005

I'm getting so bored just hanging around the apartment all day. Burned out. It's not like I don't have things to do but I just don't feel like doing anything. I feel a bit bummed out and I don't know why.

Job search appears to be going strong. Still waiting for final decision from company #1. In the meantime, met with company #2 on Monday. I really like the people I met. The firm is located downtown, it's a small office and I like the way they think and train their staff. I felt the interview went well but, on the other hand, I wouldn't really be surprised either way if they did or didn't like me.

I couldn't get a clear grasp of what they needed. On one side I was hearing, "need someone who has some experience can jump right in, but is still fresh in the industry so we can train in our unique style of doing meetings." **Me waving my arms overhead** That's me!

But, the kept asking me all these destination management type questions...."we're taking a corporate group of 3,000 to Orlando, tell me about some of the properties we should consider?"

And it's like...er, I have no idea. And *why* should I know about the hotels or meeting space in Orlando? Hell, I've never even been to Orlando...or, I was, but I was in a stroller, forgive me for not remembering ;)

And, I'm sure I must have given them a look because it's like....look at my resume, I worked for an state association....we planned meetings in the city we were located in, and that's it! Occasionally we would go to other cities there or consider regional meeting space, but I was never involved in any site visits out of my home city.

So, I tried to answer the best I could....I explained how I would talk with the client to get a better understanding of their history of the meeting, the makeup of the group, the goal of the meeting, etc. and from there I would begin researching potential venues and eventually arrange for a site visit and so on.

What's crazy, though, is they kept asking me the same question as if they just didn't hear me. "Okay, now we're in Atlanta, how about the properties there?"

Um, no, same answer. They seemed almost a bit exasperated with my answer but I don't know what they were expecting me to say. Although, admittedly, when they asked me about Chicago properties...I didn't have any clue either. I really don't know the city well and that's something I probably should be investigating from a Planner perspective but it's hard to do on my own when there isn't an actual goal or reason for what I'm doing other than general knowledge.

I mean, it's hard to seek out properties when you don't have a purpose for finding them even though down the line it may be helpful to be familiar with these places. I don't know....the CEO kind of hinted to me that (if there was to be a second interview) perhaps I could come prepared knowing a bit about some of the convention hotels of Chicago.

That still seems a little broad, and realistically I wasn't involved with finding our conference hotels because we already had an established relationship with a group of them already. Argh, I don't know....

Company #1 didn't have a problem letting me know they didn't think I had a good grasp of how much work being a Meeting Planner was. It was a bit offensive how they went about it, especially since I just came out of our annual conference and I was working 7 day weeks, long hours and no breaks. I felt I DID know how much work it was.

Company #2 did a better job of explaining why "I didn't get it" or at least from their perspective. And the way they explained it....I was feeling a bit out of my league. Not that I couldn't jump in and learn from them and be the person they needed to be, but I wasn't quite at their level....and this stemming back to my background being in nonprofit/association rather than corporate.

Company #2 also had the job posting listed for an Assistant & Manager position so I assumed they were hiring one of each. When I questioned them about it during the interview they said it was either/or. Does that *not* make sense to anyone else? I mean....I would think from the employer perspective you must have some goal/expectation/need for having created this opening so how can that goal be met by either an Assistant or a Manager? I would think the two would fit quite different needs.

Anyway, this week is round one of interviews so I will (supposedly) hear back from them next week if I made it to round 2. I hope they did like me. I am leaning more towards Company #2 at this point for a few reasons (location, general organization/history, style, etc.) And, overall, I thought the interview went well--I was just unable to get as detailed with my answers as I think they would have liked me to get.

Plus, I felt like I was on an episode of The Apprentice when they asked me what I thought the difference would be between working for association vs. corporate. Ah, I picked the I-pod when the answer was cell-phone (this only makes sense if you watch the TV series, ;)

I rambled off some differences and at the end the interviewer is like, "[As corporate...]we're in the business to make MONEY!"

Oh yeah, well....er, that's a given, right?

La la la....







So it was my 24th birthday yesterday. Jeff took me downtown to a pretty nice restaurant. It has a South American theme, serving traditional drinks and meals but only at the highest quality of food, service and of course, must be aesthetically pleasing. Our server was a little scatterbrained and we ended up being served more by food runners and neighboring servers but overall there was still a nice flow and I enjoyed what we had.

Wednesday's they offer a special five course offering with chef's selection of wine tasting/pairing with each course. Both Jeff and I went with this choice. Everything tasted (and looked) great. I'm not a big seafood or pork eater but even those items were delicious. I enjoyed our dinner and conversation was pleasant but unmemorable.

I hope Jeff wasn't hoping for birthday sex because we came home and I went right to bed. I feel...increasingly bad about our lack of intimacy and don't know how to make it better. There have been times where I'll be preparing for bed and he'll jump in with me...but kind of crawl out and go do his own thing when he realizes nothing is going to be happening but sleep. I think we've had sex (hmmm...) maybe 3 times since we've been here? Possibly 4, all were equally terrible, so what's the difference?

In my mind we might as well not had sex at all. I feel bad, but I really....have no interest at all. And I get so wrapped up in my head that I become ultra aware of us NOT having sex and it makes me that much more anxious about having to perform. It's got to the point where sometimes I don't even want to touch me because it stresses me out. I feel like if he even tries to initiate something and I'm not in the mood, knowing I am going to have to reject him just makes me cringe away from him. Which is just as bad if not worse.

I had this dream where he was trying to stick his hands down my pants and I kept trying to get away from him but he wouldn't leave me alone. I woke up feeling disgusted with him.

Sigh. I don't want to feel like this. But I do sometimes feel like he's always....he's always grabbing at my boobs or going straight to my junk and not...well, not paying any attention to me. Although, one could say manually stimulating me is all about me....but I feel like it's just a means to the end. If I get off, there will be a higher chance of my body being open enough for him to get his penis in there.

I'm just...bored and disappointed and really have no drive at all. I remember liking sex, I would like to have a more physical relationship but it's just getting worse rather than better.

I'm scared to talk to him because I feel like I'm trapped in the same space. If I upset him or if we are fighting where do we go? I don't even know what to tell him.






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