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Emotionally unstable state of girl

07 July 2003

I am depressed.

I feel so discouraged already about finding a job and my search has barely begun. I know I'm capable and hardworking, but I feel skill-less. I hae nothing to show to potential employers except "hey look, I'm a nice person, I promise I'll try real hard--and look I have a college degree--that means something right?"

My resume is cluttered, my cover letter sounds cheesy and impersonal (even though I try to tailor it) and I'm not sure what to do. I mean, I can't exactly walk in and say what I can do for the company (to be honest, until you train me, I probably won't be doing anything but bare minimum).

Does entry level have to mean a secretary job? Why does every job opening request at least two years of experience (and it's usually more)? I know I can't start out at the top, but god, what exactly am I supposed to be looking for in the bottom?

I have a great GPA and I even have some internships. I'm finally figuring out what (I think) I would like to do, but I feel lost. It's not helping talking to jeff, he just gets angry at with me for putting myself down.

And it's like....I am making myself feel bad enough i don't Jeff angry with me too! And I can't talk about it with him. He won't let me "poor me" talk at all...and I need that. I need someone to talk to. I mean, I am in "poor me" stage, but I'm fighting it. I'm still sending out resumes and looking for jobs. And it's not like I'm going to say in an interview "HEY! I am totally useless! In fact, I have no skills, would you hire me?"

(Even if that's what I'm thinking.)


I'm a pleaser. I know I would go above and beyond wherever I was. I know I take stock in whatever I produce, so I would do a good job in whatever I was doing, and I would probably try to make things more efficient and so on. That's just a natural part of being there and trying to make things as smooth as possible. It's not that I don't think I would be capable or a "leading member" of some team it's just that...yeah, you are going to have to train me.

I am probably not going to succeed if you just stick me somewhere and say "go."

I'm sure I would play along then run to the bathroom and hyperventilate and cry, but I'm not sure how great that would work out.

I'm sick of thinking about it, I'm ready to explode!


Oh god, I'm crying now. Don't mind me, I'm in a self-absorbed emotionally unstable state of girl.






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