13 July 2003

I am experiencing intellectual bliss. Haha, who would of thought commercial movies could move me into a spiritual level? First Adaptation and now Vanilla Sky. Of course the latter being indirectly involved and the former being more thought provoking in itself. Does that make sense?

I saw Vanilla Sky when it first came out. I remember thinking the commercials looked interesting and it had a strong cast as well as a capable director. So far so good.

I did not enjoy the movie. It was a fiercely annoying film to watch. The movie has barely began when it is turned upside down and you are forced to squirm in frustration and confusion until right up to the last 10-15 minutes when supposedly everything is explained. Garh, but by the time you get there your brain is still trying to make sense of what you just saw and you are so wacked out between grasping what is reality, a dream, insanity, past, present or future....you aren't sure if you care what happens to Tom Cruise's character you just want to run out of the theater and scream.

Or at least that's how I felt. And although the story supposedly clarifies itself at the end there are still some questions you must answer. And depending on how you view it the ending can be very open ended...so there you have just watched the whole thing only to leave still wondering what exactly happend at the end. Now I love/hate endings that are questionable and you have to fashion your own viewpoint or interpretation of the ending, but not after you miserably just sat for two hours crying for answers. (You know?)

So you may ask...well why would you ever watch a film like that again? Well....first of all, Jeff liked it. Not that all my tastes should be shaped by others but we pretty much share the same pleasures and for him to like it and me to not, that in itself had me questioning why I didn't. Which I know is pathetic in itself, but by confronting what I didn't like about the movie I was able to step away and appreciate the film on a different level.

I know this is a remake of a Spanish film "Abre Los Ojos" (Open Your Eyes) and it would be interesting to see how much it was changed. I actually like the title Open Your Eyes...but I also like Vanilla Sky...but you would have to know the film to know why. Bleh.

Okay, anyway, I wanted to re-watch it to look for clues. I figured having seen it once I should be able to sit back and enjoy it a little more. Well, unfortunately it's been so long since I've seen it I was still racking my brain for answers as I sat there watching it tonight. I remembered bits and pieces but I was still confused on how it was wrapped up. Especially towards the end the whole film is completely wacked and you are pretty much ready for someone to spoon feed you, because you're exhausted from trying to figure out the mystery.

I liked both this review by CrankyCritic and this one by Roger Ebert. Both positive and negative--they too picked up the awful waiting period of the first viewing, but I think they could also appreciate the movie in other ways.

Having watched it again I think Tom Cruise should have received an academy award nomination...although I cannot remember what other movies were out that year in competition. So, after I watched it tonight I decided to look up online to see what others thought of the movie. I was hoping for clues to explain some of my questions (my dad also watched it tonight--his 2nd viewing, and he believes it is as straightforward as it explains at the end-----------SPOILER------------------

Cruise's character jumps off the building and awakes after 150 years of being frozen and dreaming in a lucid state created by LE.

I don't think it's as easy as that. Can anyone explain how Sophia's voice is sayiing "open your eyes" in both the opening and ending of the movie on the recording? Anyways....

I found this online posting site which briefly discussed the film, but then went on to explain the creation of the universe.

Yeah, I know Haha.

These people were either really intelligent and getting really "deep" or simply computer nerds on another Matrix obsessed level. Either way I was completely fascinated and continued to experience chills as I read. Which I know is silly, but what if God was trying to speak to me? Haha.

How about these wild posts! (See below)

BMASSEY WROTE "Remember, on a quantum level we are all energy, suspended in a lattice in a void of nothing. The only question is, is the program that is our universe a random occurrence, or is there a divine programmer? I have always believed in the divine programmer, brilliant, passionate, but absolutely alone ... absent of all sensation and interaction. Our universe is a virtual reality for this divine programmer, however he/she/it did not only write the program, rather he/she/it is the computer on which it runs as well. This universe might be a means for something that is singular, infinite and timeless to experience plurality, mortality, etc."

Hmmm And this one...

JAEGER WROTE "As far as reality being a program. The universe could be a self-programming entity, programming in various dimensions without necessarily knowing where it's going. In other words the universe changes in the direction of change and only for the sake of experiencing change, thus the universe has a mindless component and an intelligent component --God is both a wandering idiot and a design genius."

Well.... I don't know if the universe is a program as in a computer generated one, but I could see GOD as I understand IT to function as JAE explained.

Not exactly having anything to do with Vanilla Sky, which I will probably be forever curious of (I wouldn't even mind watching it a 3rd time actually) but it led me to an interesting site. Looking around I found another thread discussing the meaning of life. Of course there were many interesting ideas...and so many I completely agreed with. Ahhh, it felt so nice to find a place where people were "talking crazy" and no one was putting it down.

Haha, there was even a post about Jesus Christ which I was sure would lead to some unending posting about Christianity and the only thing said was a brief passing of a joke wondering how that person got into the thread. Nothing more. Ahh, to get to that point where you are even beyond arguing about it. That's rare. It's so easy to try to pipe in with your own refutes and feelings, but it was as if this group had gotten to that knowledgable point where there really is no point of trying to argue your case. And this is a vocal post!

I joined a gym today. I have unsuccessfuly tried to self-motivate myself to work out and it has pretty much failed. I knew if i had someone to be my accountability partner--someone who would work out with me and keep tabs on progress it would definitly help but my dear obese mother and brother were basically useless.

I think everyone is aware on some level of their lack of regular exercise and would like to do something about it, but it takes a couple huge steps to wishing you were thinner/healthier and actually getting to the point where you really care about changing your lifestyle.

I'm not quite there. I'm beginning to progress to deep stage of desire to be fit and to potentially gain strength and lose weight, but I just had nothing to motivate me or push me. Sure getting a little flabby was somewhat depressing but all in all I still consider myself an extremely attractive and desirable women. I get plenty of sexual looks and comments and I feel confident that when I walk into a room I turn heads (I know, I'm superficial--but where else can I talk like this--it's MY diary!)

Anyway if my friends are too busy/too far away and my family refuses to commit that left motivation up to me. I tried doing mind games, I tried thinking up "fun" routines and programs. It was not working. Living with a bunch of girls was doing more for me than living at home with a treadmill in my basement.

Well, today I was raped of high funds and if the guilt and doubt I feel about turning over big green isn't motivation enough to get me to the gym then I don't know what's going to do it. Especially because I paid an outrageous membership fee (and then another initiation fee, and then another monthly fee) I have no excuse.

Rarhw. I don't know if it was worth it or not, but at least for a month it should be motivating enough to get myself to the gym, right? Haha, plus I bought three sessions with a personal trainer (ouch, another $120 on the top of everything eles!) and that's all with major discounts...la la la. I've always wanted to work with a personal trainer though. Hopefully s/he'll be able to evaluate where I am and what I need to do.

I had/have two goals for the summer: get a job and get fit. I want to make exercise a routine part of my life. I wish I enjoyed competitive sports and so I could incorporate that into my life, but right now I don't have that. So if it's the EFX and weights for life hopefully the guilty money trick will work.

Haha, we'll see.