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Job (overwhelmed already?), 'Rents in the city

23 May 2005

Surprise, Surprise. The day after my last entry I went in for an [second] interview with Company #3. This was not for the original position I had applied for but within the same department and some of the responsibilities would overlap. I thought why not and so I went in for the meeting.

I was in the office for over four hours. They are very big on tests and I took all kinds of personality tests. The first one I took I believe had me working on it for over two hours. Haha, I thought maybe this was one of those places where they had a hidden camera on you and it wasn't about the test at all but to see how you reacted to being beat down by the process of it all.

And, I was getting a little annoyed towards the end. Especially with the first test because there were all these number ratios. What's next in this seemingly random sequence of 22:33:62:8.

Well, hell if I know. Even with a multiple choice selection my brain was beginning to hurt. I'm not even sure if there *was* a right answer for some of these but I did my best finding patterns in some and completely guessing on others. Anything having to do with numbers makes me tremble with fear ;)

After a round of personality tests I talked with the Executive Director and I was in there with him for a lifetime as well. It was a very good conversation, though. I learned a lot about his values and his vision for the organization. We talked over lunch. Nothing like trying to interview as you stuff food into your mouth. Perhaps it was the PMS but at the end of our talk I found myself truly moved by his words. I was actually emotionally stirred and felt this internal hum saying, "wow, I want to work for this man!"

That's a pretty powerful feeling. And in my "final statement" to him, I actually got a little choked up as I told him about how impressed I was with his ideas and the direction he wants to take the organization.

After that I went and talked with another VP. Then off to more personality tests.

Finally, the Ex. Director brings me into a room with the original woman I interviewed with the first time round and he tells me there's no reason for them to get back to me (as they had originally stated they would) because they have decided that I'm "it" and they would like to offer me a job.

Woo! (Whew.)







I really wasn't sure what to do. I mean, I accepted, but even though I just had that stirring feeling of awe I still had Company #2 and #4 in the back of my head who I was supposed to get back in touch with the following week.

My salary increased about 5K from what I was making before and my benefits increased by a lot. Full medical, dental, vision, disability, life and a contributing 401K plan (10% of my salary automatically). Plus I was to receive 3 weeks vacation (eligible after 6 months), 10 sick days, 3 personal, major holidays and my own "floating" holiday I could tag on to another holiday of my choice. Talk about good!

Hours and office are also casual. Phones are technically answered from 7:30AM - 5:30 PM but people arrive anywhere from 5-9:30 AM leaving likewise in the evening depending on when they get in. The official week is only 37.5 hours which we log ourselves. I'm no longer eligible for overtime as I was with my previous position, but with the salary increase who cares. Plus, if I work weekends I get comp. time so it kind of equals out (although you're only covered for half of the overtime you work; i.e. 1 day on the weekend is only 1/2 day comp time).

But, I felt pretty positive about the company as a whole, the position and the people I would be working for. Slightly disappointed I wasn't able to make that switch over to corporate (I feel this transition will (would have) be easier to do the younger I am, plus, not having any family responsibilities now is the time to be living that high stress corporate, lots of travel job ;)

BUT, on the other hand, I'm not a really a high stress kind of girl since I create my own internal drama and issues. Plus, as hokey as it sounds, I like the idea of serving members rather than clients. I like how associations focus on providing services, improving benefits and so on rather than just worrying about making money. An event can still be successful if it doesn't make money (as long as it doesn't lose $$$) and the attendees are happy.






I started the job on 5/10. I was happy to know that the woman who received the job I originally applied for ended up being an internal candidate. It's hard to really compete with someone within the company so I felt pleased to have beat out so many other people and in a way still felt like their "number one" choice since I was the one who emerged from all the resumes and interviews.

The woman I was replacing was leaving the company to go back to school for a completely unrelated subject. Everyone in the office seemed....well, happy is too strong of a word but somewhat relieved that a more "people oriented" person was replacing her. My take is that she's a nice person, smart, and qualified but lacking the customer service skills necessary when one has to work with difficult speakers, forever displeased exhibitors (you know who you are ;), and sensitive sponsors. People were warning me not to take offense if I found her to be a little abrupt or unpersonable.

I found that I actually liked her. She was very "real" seemed exceptionally well organized and knowledgeable and pleasant enough to work with. But, it's hard to base too much on a few days of hanging out with someone. So the training began and the panic set in.

The organization is very technology savvy which is great but their database systems are a bit on the overwhelming side. They've got the main database, Access, another reporting system, an online access system for speakers and another to organize papers. Also, everyone's "hard drive" is shared. So, everything you work on instantly goes into public access. It's nice because you can find information that others are working on but it's also a little worrisome because if you change someone else's document it's forever changed and you're kind of screwed if you did something wrong.

This is a national association serving a niche medical group of prestigious doctors. Although I came from non-profit and we actually had more members, my new company has members from across the globe, does a lot more events (across the USA) and has more money to spend on everything. I was very confused with everything they were telling me and showing me.

I was trying my hardest to take notes and make sense of what I was seeing and hearing but it kind of felt like I was in a foggy state where they were speaking English and I could understand them in an abstract sense but as far as comprehension was concerned I probably got about 5% of it.

By day three (my last day of the week since I had reserved Friday for my dad) I was in the bathroom crying softly to myself.

Bummer.

It wasn't that I expected myself to just automatically understand everything but I can't help but be especially hard on myself. I think I'm a smart person and when I don't "get" things right away I fall apart. It's very hard for me to ask for help but it's especially hard on my soul when even with a bit of assistance I can't seem to just run with it on my own.

I don't want to have my hand held but I was really wishing someone would have that first week. I needed it. I felt like I was being given way more responsibility and duties when I didn't understand anything! I was still trying to familiarize myself with what they were all about, to understand the different components of their annual program, their quarterly education meetings and so on. I was staring at a huge database system on a public system with eight billion folders and flowcharts that I was being asked to fumble through to work within one single document.

Huh?!

I smiled a lot. Said "oh, okay!" nodded and took little notes. Towards the end of day three I thought I was going to nod off as my trainer rambled on and on about things that did not make sense to me.

The problem is that...I was so far gone from even asking questions, but also aware that if I did ask questions....well, there wouldn't be anywhere to start. The main problem was she's telling me about things that I don't know about or understand...and then she's pointing me to folders and files to find information that I will need regarding....these things that she told me about earlier that I don't really understand and it's just this big mess of "huh?"

And that's not something you can teach. If you sit down to explain A-F components I will have a basic general idea of A-F but not having worked with any of them a five minute primer really isn't going to fill me in. And all of a sudden I'm pulling reports, running queries, updating information, manipulating data--all within their massive multi-system databases....all involving many steps to reach their final step---argh!

Haha, and part of it too was that she kept throwing in things like, "oh, Dr. Smith likes it when you send him email in Arial rather than TNR" or "Make sure you always work through Dr. Jones' secretary because he never returns voice mail." These are all very nice tidbits but again....they are essentially useless unless if written down. I don�t know who Dr. Smith is or why I�d be in contact with him, but I�m supposed to remember his email preferences?

And that's the biggest thing is that I'm not a very good listener/learner. I do best by reading. I don't even need pictures or diagrams just a nice boring manual will do me fine. But I just got a three day vocal cram session on a whole lot of things that I didn't understand.

Jeff was completely unsupportive and said "you need to ask questions!" but it's like---I don't even know what questions to ask. And there's only so many times I can say, "wait, huh?" over the same concept before I start feeling like the biggest idiot plus I'm not getting any closer to understanding. It was mostly an issue of getting familiar with their databases and getting familiar with their concepts.

If you've never had an apple before but I explain to you it's a fruit you will have an abstract idea of what I'm talking about, but until you see the apple, feel the apple and more importantly eat the apple you won't really comprehend what I'm saying. That's how I felt through that whole process. Except they begin with...."Hey we have apples (psst, that�s a fruit)---and we need you to chop them for Dr. Miller, bake them for this committee, send a report to this chair and collect and evaluate taste tests from these different subgroups."

Follow me? Well....sort of. I understand there is a fruit that I am unfamiliar with....and I've heard of chopping, baking, reporting, collecting and evaluating....but to be honest, I have no freaking idea what you really want me to do because it's all this....foggy abstract notion.

And yes, I can continue to ask questions about the "apple" but that's just going to come with time. One who is very familiar with it can only go so far in explaining what it is. It's in apple...and that's that.







Okay, enough talking in circles when you don't know what I'm talking about either. ;)

Last week was my first full week on the job. My trainee's last day was on Thursday. I was in a slight panic because she did a lot of things that only she really understood. This is very different from my last job where my supervisor knew everything I was doing or what I did was completely new to anyone/everyone so I got to direct it. I was concerned that I had all these deadlines and weekly reports to submit and I really didn't know what the hell I was doing. I tried my best to keep asking questions (if I knew where to begin), had the girl show me as much as she could (twice) and as things came in, allow me to actually enter stuff in so I could get some hands-on experience in the database.

I was thankfully already better with things on Monday. I can't say I was the master of all but I was getting around a little better. I was beginning to understand what the 'apple' was which made it easier to understand why I needed to do all the following steps.

But, today, as I went to submit my first report I realized....I was oh, so very lost. The problem was that I was pulling numbers from various areas into one compiled report. Unfortunately...my numbers didn't add up. And when I went to check them in other places I continued to get new numbers. I didn't know what to do. Did I mess up something in the numbers.....did the girl before me? What the hell is going on and why can't anyone help me?

No one seemed to understand why the numbers didn't match and they kind of left me to moan and groan in my cube all by myself. I kept going back to my supervisor to show her new results (of new different numbers), pleading in my heart that she could just ANSWER my questions and instead she would rip through five different reporting systems within the data presenting me with new information....that didn't make any sense to me and I would trot back to my cube to wallow in my frustration and misery.

This little report that should probably take five minutes to update and then send on (it is a weekly report after all, no big deal) is what I spent doing ALL DAY. In the mean time, these other "abstract" things I'm supposed to be doing (that I don't really understand) are piling up on my "to do." My inbox is filled and I don't understand how to answer the questions or follow through with the tasks that are being sent to me by email.

Each call that is directed to me since I'm the only person that handles exhibits is answered in a panic with someone sitting on hold for five minutes while I scramble around the office hoping I can find someone to help me.

It was terrible. I felt inadequate, unorganized and flustered.

And, even after talking with my trainer by phone, others in the office and my supervisor all day long I *still* did not have any answers for this report. I must have cried five times today. Shoulders depressed and sobs strangled in silence as I sat there vulnerable in my little cube, feeling hopeless and confused on what to do next.

So, I stared at the numbers. A lot. Well, I'm not crazy about numbers but I knew they all had to be coming from somewhere. So I slowly started connecting dots finding missing information and errors in data and through the miserable process I think I came to understand the 'apple' a little more.

So, at the very least by examining where the information was coming from I had to open up a lot of folders, a lot of documents and examine excel spreadsheets and formulas.

That�s the good news. The bad? Well, I still don�t have the right information for this report. That was technically due on Friday which I thought I would send on Monday that now has me looking fearfully at Tuesday. On top of that there�s a second report I�m supposed to send by noon on Tuesday. This is a very complicated report. I had my trainer show me how to find the information (again, the numbers are pulled from 80 different places all over the many database systems) many times over. This report will not be fun to process because there are so many steps and my notes and comprehension are only so good. I�m scared. :(







On the bright side, I had a real pleasant visit with my dad on 5/13. It was so good to see him and we had a nice, long, day spent in the city just being a tourist and enjoying my dad. I took him for breakfast at a trendy restaurant, we walked through Millennium Park, took a stroll through the Art Institute Museum and simply enjoyed our time together talking and sharing. His flight unfortunately arrived and departed during rush hour. So, I was probably in my car driving to/from the airport for a total of 4.5 hours. Considering that, I might as well have drove home to see him ;) Haha, I guess I could have told him to take the train or a cab but that just didn�t seem right so I made the long drive out and back into the city twice. It was worth it. I surprised myself and found myself crying on the way home after I dropped him off. It was nice to see my dad and I was sad to see him go.

My mother was here this past weekend. Contrasting with my dad I was ready to ship her off by Sunday. Not that it wasn�t nice to see her but it felt more strained with her. More so because I just didn�t know how to entertain her and since I�m always worried about what she�s thinking or if she�s judging me I probably can�t just sit back and enjoy myself. She was having knee/foot problems so she also couldn�t walk very far or for a long time. Which makes being in a walking city a little unpleasant. She came in on Friday. It was too bad because one of jeff�s friends was having a birthday party in which they had rented out a trolley and were doing a bar crawl around town with it. How fun! So Jeff went off to party and I took my mom out for dinner. We came back watched some TV then went to bed.

The following day we met up with her co-worker + daughter (lives in city) that had drove in with my mom. The daughter oddly chose this local bar for lunch which was�.well, bar food, so it just seemed like a weird selection. We went to a couple of specialty shops in the area then went down town to this antiques shop. All three stores we went into were not places I would normally visit. I was bored. The daughter seemed nice and maybe I was just feeling low energy but I wasn�t really feeling a �spark� between us. My mom seemed really disappointed that I wasn�t �engaging� her more. But, the girl wasn�t engaging me either. It�s kind of hard too when you�re there with your parent. I mean, I was there to spend time with my mom not trying to make a new friend.

I know it�s not a lot of money but I am still annoyed to pay money to ride the El downtown if you�re not really going tot get your money�s worth. I mean, I�m happy to have public transportation and all but when you own a car and it�s a short drive away it�s annoying to have to rely on someone else to get you somewhere and pay for it. So, we get downtown, go to this crappy little antique shop (okay, okay, so that�s not my thing) that mother/daughter were just raving about and then my mom�s leg starts bothering her. We need to sit down so we stop at this Starbuck�s. We�re out on the patio and I�m so cold. All I can think about is how cold I am with the wind blowing. I�m disappointed that mom is hurt (both for my own selfish sake and because I�m worried she�s falling into that chronic �old person� stage where your body just starts falling apart) and just not interested in making boring small talk with these people.

Finally we get up and go back home. How do you entertain your mom and you can�t walk around? I don�t know but what I�d really like to do at this point is go check my email or go do something by myself or hang out with Jeff. I feel bad but it�s like�.I don�t know what you want to do when we can�t do anything. So I take her out and we go get a pedicure. We end up waiting like an hour for the women to take care of us. It�s pleasant enough (and my feet sure did need it) but again, I�m just bored and I imagine she is too. I feel bad that I don�t have anywhere real neat to take her. Jeff just wants to go down the street to this Chinese place, so we do.

Come back and again, I just don�t know how to entertain her. We watch The Fugitive which is kind of a joke between us because for some reason we both just LOVE this movie. But, honestly, my mom sleeps through most of it, only waking when I notice she�s sleeping. I don�t mind watching it (hey, I DO like the movie) but if you could ask me how I want to spend my Saturday night�.this is not it.

We go to bed and in the morning I make her breakfast. Her coworker calls to see if she�s ready but she says not to come over for another couple of hours. WHAT??? So we sit around for another couple of hours. Me feeling internally annoyed and antsy because that�s how I am with my mom wondering what she�s thinking and how she�s judging�.and this goes on until she leaves.

This makes the whole weekend with her sound so awful and it wasn�t. It was just very uneventful and boring. That�s not her fault. I mean, this is my home city now.






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