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Boredom, Dear John, Stomach Pains

28 April 2005

I'm bored. So terribly bored with my life. I want a job already, hurry up people. I like to be busy I like to commit myself to something and really make it amazing and while "finding a job" certainly is a goal to chase after the conclusion of this journey is in too many other people's hands for it to feel like I'm actually getting anywhere.

I was finally rejected by Company #1. I received an odd "dear john" letter from them. It was on plain b/w paper with a two sentence "thanks for your application, at this time your qualifications do not match our needs" gist and the woman I interviewed with didn't even sign her name!

I suppose on one hand you should be happy to get a response at all from someone. But, on the other, as I did interview with this company twice, plus I am friends with someone who works in the office and I've been on the phone with them every week for the past 5 weeks you think I could the courtesy of a personal letter where the woman could at least to bother to sign her name. Even a two liner email wishing me luck or something would have been fine. But "thanks for submitting your application"??

But, just one more thing to add to the list of concerns about Company #1. Of course, I'd rather be in the position to decline an offer than be forced out of it but I think I can do better and now I have the opportunity to prove myself right without feeling bad about turning something down (which I had been considering based on my potential for a dock in pay/ that damn commute).

So, as I mentioned before, I met with Company #2 last week. I was hoping to have heard from them by now but no word as of yet. I left them a voice mail on Tuesday to follow-up so we'll see. I would not be surprised to be asked back for a second interview or to NOT be asked back due to some confusion on what they were really looking for. I did like them and I think it would be a great experience but at some point I may have to accept that Event Management companies may simply not be interested in me since I started out in non-profit and don't have destination management experience.

Although I am a meeting planner, I'm not corporate and it's almost like graduating from college and you're just hoping a company will take a chance on you so you can prove yourself. If there's a company willing to take that chance and to help coach/train me to this corporate side then it'll be great. But, with the saturation in the job market I may not have that luxory. Even though I'm an awesome worker and they'd be silly not to hire me ;)

I also had an interview this week on Tuesday with Company #3. It was with a medical society so definitly more within my comfort zone. They have two positions open, both that would fit my experience. All the usual, working with speakers, committees, workshops, conferences, exhibits, database/registration, etc. This job is also located out in a suburb but a lot closer than than Company #1. I think there's a train station by #3 as well.

Anyway, I met with them but don't really know how I did. The woman ended up talking most of the time about herself and the organization. I had studied up on the group and she pretty much hit every point I wanted to bring up to show how knowledgeable I was ;) I didn't want to interrupt her stories (it was very chummy like conversation) but I tried to interject when appropriate about similiar experiences and how I handled it or whatever.

But, overall, it was just her talking. It was very pleasant and I kind of got the feeling that she had questions to ask but then once we got to talking she knew immediately the answer. And, I mean that in a good way, like it was obvious I had worked in a similiar environment and understood how the association would work. The nice thing about this group is it's a national society so they have meetings all over the country so I would get to do some traveling.

The interview went long and I didn't have the opportunity to ask any questions because the next candidate was to arrive in the next minute or so. So they shipped me off to a spare desktop where I could take some 'personality' tests. These were just two of many to come according to the woman I interviewed with. I'm not sure if they other tests are personality based or what they'll try to throw at me.

I tried not to over analyze and just answer the questions as honestly as I could. I'm a little wary of any organization that really invests in these type of things. Other than pointing out the real 'crazies' won't most nice normal people be able to "pass"? I only remember a couple of questions though that fell into the "hmm" area. Such as, "The best results always come out of following the established rules" --or something that at first seemed like a "no" because of the 'always' but then you also look like it's "ok" to go against the establishment. I think I went with "no" anyway. What the hell.

Then there were questions asking the level of your sensitivity and emotional state. Of course, I'm a crybaby so where my answer might be "always" to being emotional I had to check that down to "sometimes." But overall, I thought my results seemed pretty accurate.

The interviewer went into a lot of detail of what they could offer me as well, it felt a lot like they were selling themselves to me...which is a good thing, right? The briefing included a higher salary than what I had before, better benefits, more vacation, personal and sick time...woo woo!

Plus the office was super casual. It looked like a lot of middle aged men and women so no new best friends here, but I'm used to that. But, you can't beat being able to wear jeans into work! I almost felt silly wearing my suit b/c people were so casual.

I'm interested to meet the Executive Director as well. His office door was COVERED in "dreamer" like quotes and pictures. It was....well, pretty cheesy. Hey, we all like reading quotes but it just looked unprofessional, like a car bumper that is filled to the max with stickers and ideology. Sure, fun to read when you're stuck at the red light but I'm not sure if I would want that all over my car.

I guess it's no surprise why he's pushing the personality tests. The woman I interviewed with almost seemed apologetic when she explained that he wanted them to test everyone. I hope I met what he was looking for.

I am excited because I was also able to set up an interview with Company #4 for next week. It's a major association management company and would be great experience/training wise plus look good on the resume. This may be a good fit for me because it would offer the benefits of working for a corporate 3rd party event/meeting company but since they work exclusively with associations my experience would be able to match better with what they need.

BUT, I had submitted an application for an assistant or coordinator position and when I spoke with them she told me they only had a manager position open. I must have said/done something right because after a brief phone interview she said they'd like to meet with me. Not that I want to shoot down my abilities because I think I'm capable of wonderful things and I know I'm a hard worker, but I may not quite be at that manager level yet. So, I may walk into an interview where I know I'm out of my league, but even just to interview with them is a good start. No matter what happens I will establish a face-to-face relationship that may lead to other things down the line.

Or, maybe I'll surprise everyone and be an event manager. Lol, that would be so crazy.

Oh, did I mention that Jeff and I finally had decent sex this past Saturday? I can't say I was so much in the mood as I was ready to initiate it to get something going. He followed my lead and amazingly my body played along. It was not a long session but at least it passed for acceptable rather than miserable.

Then we got up and made waffles with our new waffle maker. Haha, I got all cooking gadgets from him for my birthday. Sure, some of them we would have probably bought regardless but I was happy to have them anyway. So we made these delicious waffles and had a good day. He even went out with me that evening to a social club outing in the city.

Speaking of meeting new people I had my first volunteer get-together last night. I thought it went pretty well. I liked the activity that we did and it was a decent sized group, say 15 of us. I ended up partnering up with this one girl pretty early on and found we had a lot in common. After the event about 9 or so of us went out to dinner and had a decent time. There was a part of me that had that panic/social moment where my "social level" (think the Sims) was plenty filled and once we sat down I was ready to bolt but I sat it out.

It helped that I literally had no idea where we were or how to get home since I had to take two buses to get to our original destination before scoring a ride to the restaurant we ended up at! Haha...

So after dinner the girl and her fiancÚ drove me home and for once I didn't have to be the one that was pushing my phone number on someone and she asked me if I'd like to get together sometime and we exchanged information. I can't say we had any ultra moments of true friendship bliss but there was some potential, and at least we had a lot in common.

I really need to get out of this apartment. Between the boredom and the internal stress I think about food constantly. Even though I'm working out every single day I've been gaining weight. Not muscle mind you ;)

Speaking of internal stress....I don't really feel stressed out. If anything I'm too relaxed. I'm getting plenty of sleep and I take a couple of breaks during the day from job searching so it's not like I'm leading a hard life here. But, I've developed two twitches. One in my right eye and the other on the left part of my chin. During my interview on Tuesday I could feel my eye just twitching like crazy! Haha, I hope she didn't notice. It's not a huge problem but it's annoying and a bit disruptive. They say it's caffeine and stress that can cause it but I don't know where that would be coming from.

I've also experienced one of my strange symptoms again. What are the symptoms of an ulcer? For the past three months I have been experiencing "morning sickness." What began at the end of January as one odd day of terrible stomach cramping and the strong wave of nausea has led to a total of 9 similar episodes. I actually threw up once and every other time my mouth watered as if I would (and believe me, I wanted to) but I've never been one to vomit even when I'm really sick. Sorry if TMI ;)

I know I begin to sound a little crazy because I have had a history of unique symptoms that no one can seem to figure out, doesn't make it any less real and concerning for me. Five of the episodes happened in the early morning while I was sleeping. To be woken up by this feeling, this horrible wringing in your stomach, then the sharp pains, then the nausea, I might buy I'm crazy a little more if this wasn't physically waking me up out of my sleep to go moan and groan by the toilet while my mouth fills up with saliva.

I've tried googling my symptoms but I mostly get pregnancy websites. And, after my first episode I did actually spot for a week afterwards which made me think maybe I was pregnant. But, I have taken two pregnancy tests since plus I've had my period on time so that does not appear to be it.

I'd like to see a doctor but am scared that they won't have any answers for me. Plus, I don't have medical insurance so seeing anyone at least right now is out of the question. I've found that if I take Pepto-Bismol immediately when the first sign of unsettled stomach begins I can ward off the more painful jabs and doubling over that comes shortly thereafter. It doesn't remove that unsettled feeling and I just end up feeling a low key nausea. Usually for the next day or two I'll feel unsettled too. Food doesn't necessarily make me feel better or worse and (perhaps unfortunately ;) my appetite is not affected.

Any ideas on what's going on with my crazy body?

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