01 October 2001

Okay, so I know it's been awhile, but I swear my M.I.A. ways actually have an excuse this time: computer virus. I've never had a virus before...probably because I don't download anything.

I don't care if you're my sister, my best friend...anything. I just simply don't download.

It's seemed to work so far.

Now, I don't want to point fingers (yes i do!) but I let one of my friends use my computer and she claims she didn't download anything, but since my computer started acting weird right after she used it, I'm inclined to not believe her.

Either way, it put me out and since my 'net connection is dial-up at the moment, my bro came and snatched my computer up to go away to a cable hook up and download some stuff to figure out what I had (and to fix it). Now, he even told me he could do this all in about an hour, and I believe him.

I think he was just too lazy to bring it back, because it was gone for two weeks.

Well, my computer is back, but my printer is now not working. Oh well. Guess I'll have to call the brother again.

I spent the whole last week sleeping at Jeff's. That's such a nice feeling, being able to wake up in the middle of the night, and just see him sleeping beside me. He's become such a huge factor in my life, of who I am, of how I live, I can't imagine not having him there in my life.

Talks of studying abroad or interning (most likely in another state) have come up, and it's a really difficult subject for me to really think about. I know i'm being selfish when I don't want him to go or leave. I think...we'd get through it, I don't think something like that could break us up, but it would certaintly change. I'd be losing my boyfriend and my bestfriend and my social life for at least three months if he went for a quarter and possibly more depending how long the program would be.

I have plenty of opportunity to go out, but since alcohol isn't a big social factor for me...that only leaves the people..and really when you say people, it's about meeting guys. So when you don't care for beer and you're not looking to meet someone...going out just doesn't mean the same thing. Now it's different if you're going out with your girls out to dinner or something...but even to go out with girls to a club--yes you're there to laugh and dance together, but ultimately you're looking to find some guy you can crush on the whole night.

Does that make sense?

School is going okay so far. The real test is when midterms/papers/major assignments come into the works. That will probably start the week of Oct. 14th. Once it starts in the quarter system, it feels like it never ends, until the quarter is finished. I think my human nutrition course will go pretty smoothly, and my persuasion communication class will be challenging. Hopefully interesting and pushes me in a good way, not...i'm so depressed I hate this class, I can't do anything challenging. ;)

Of course, my other comm. class could end up being like that. I don't understand the readings. I don't understand the lecture. I don't actually understand a damn thing that's going on. I feel like I've walked into a chemistry class but someone forgot to tell me it was chemistry, so I'm really confused (because I thought it was communications course?). Okay, so it's not actually chemistry, but there's a lot of math and physics, and I'm kind of going "huh"? the whole time. It's like he's using terms i don't know, never heard of, and describing them with words I don't know, and don't understand, to connect major concepts which are foreign, and to top it off he talks too fast, and my notes are jumbled and useless.

Great, huh? Yeah, I did *real* good on that pop quiz today ;)

I wish I could orgasm through sex. It seemed like I did it a few times early into my relationship, so I figured eventually I could just always do it. Infact, I haven't orgasmed through sex since months ago when it had first happened. I know I have a g-spot, so I'm figuring if orgasm is going to happen, he's somehow got to hit it the right way during sex. The thing is, is that sex is still good, and I still really enjoy it a lot, but it's like I'm *ALWAYS* at the edge, and I can't quite get over it.

He may even be hitting my g-spot, but it's just too much. I don't know if it's a mind thing, and I just won't let it happen, or what's up. I'm pretty sure Jeff know's I can't cum through sex, so he's always trying to get me off before or after we have sex, and I appreciate the effort, but I'd still like to actually be able to during sex. I just don't even know what to do, to begin to change how we have sex that would make it work for me.

And I've read that a lot of women can't, so it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Like I said, I still enjoy sex and enjoy a "glow" from it, but if I could combine an orgasm into the mix, it'd be whole 'nother thing.

Okay, my roomie is home. I'm out of here.