25 August 2002

Haha I liked my last entry. It was all complaining and rambling, but it pretty much summed up what was going on in my life at the time.

Well to go back and comment....

I think the room pick situation for the fall may be finally working itself out. Since I was feeling more and more like I was going to lose anyway, I decided to take up another girl's suggestion and pro-rate the second floor rooms that are larger. I don't even think the rate will be much higher than the smaller rooms (10-20$ more a month) but whatever, at this point I could care less just as long as this mess is over with! I think I'm going to choose a smaller room though. I mean for 10-15 dollars more I might as well take the room I really want, but I figure it's just a room and over the year that's 100-200 I could spend somewhere else!

There are two small rooms I have to decide between. I'm having trouble deciding because...one has two windows which may have interesting views (one towards a fraternity house, and the other towards our back yard & alley). So just for the views it may be fun to watch what's going on outside--especially if the fraternity is having a party! The other room only has one window and it basically stares out at another building's wall. Pretty uneventful--but it does have a bigger closet, plus the window does have a roof right outside of it that is reasonably flat so it could almost be a room extension--upper patio if you will? :) And that could be fun for the summer.

BUT....the closet isn't that much bigger, and how often would I really be crawling out my window to hang outside anyway? So if I get my choice i'm going for the view, because other than that the rooms are of equal size. I'll let the other two girls fight over the last big room left.

So my future house for the school year was having a party last night. After work I wasn't really in the mood (see last entry!), but I said I'd stop by so I at least wanted to make an appearance--especially since I haven't talked to Heidi since the whole room pick fight started.

I can tell Jeff doesn't really want to go but he thankfully says he'll stop by with me. I don't plan on staying long, I just wanted to say I went since I said I would.

We get there and Heidi isn't even there and the beer is warm (like the stuff isn't gross enough?). I chit-chat with some of Jeff's graduated fraternity brothers and a bit with Jenny. We haven't been there very long (probably not even long enough to drink a beer--had they been drinkable) but once Jenny is out of sight we get out of there. I felt kind of bad like I should have said bye, but I felt too guilty for really not sticking around to say goodbye to anyone I knew.

Jeff also felt bad for making me leave (his stomach wasn't feeling all that well). But I reminded him I had ruined plenty of his night's out by wanting to leave early and he joked that was true (and it is, la la la) so he didn't feel so bad anymore ;)

Although I could have stayed and been content I wasn't really interested in hanging out there anyway (am I ever in the party mood?--very rarely). We grab some food and go back to his place for our last bowl of weed (awww.)

Jeff and I agreed we officially became pot heads for the summer, oh what would my mother think of me? But...I really don't feel all that bad about it. I feel kind of guilty that I may be killing so many brain cells, but I mean it's the summer--we don't have anything to do at night after work, and it's a great way to mellow out at the end of the evening. Plus while every other youth is out partying it up on the alcohol (which I'm sure kills its share of brain cells) I've drank like three times the whole summer, and been drunk maybe once. (Er, so maybe it's evened out--say, had I been drinking instead?).

I had to go the gyno recently (my first offical gynocologist visit--I always see my family doctor for my pap). I was getting a procedure done to take some samples from my cervix to get them tested. Because I had rare cells in my last two paps of "unidentified significance" as the results call it hopefully this fuller examination will define exactly what's up (er, down.)

It's either going to show cancer, pre-cancerous cells or....I don't know, my body is just being weird. And the gynocologist said usually it is normal, it's just something you have to keep an eye on. Uh, so let's just hope for the best right?

BTW my vacation in Destin, FL was really nice. I learned how to play Rummy (we played it SO much--what else is there really to do there?) got a bit of a tan (although when we were leaving to go back to Ohio I think I still looked like the whitest girl out there ;) and enjoyed some time with my boy's family.

The wedding down there of course inspired the girl in me--and got me thinking about my own wedding. How great would that be to have a beach wedding? It would cut down on size kind of because I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't be able to fly out to your exotic destination, but there you'd be in this fabulous place...ahh, so nice.

I'm getting more and more positive that Jeff is the guy I want to marry. Ahhh, and it sends this ripple through me everytime I even think that thought because that is such a life changing, scary decision to imagine being with someone through everything for the rest of your life, but once the ripple passes, I feel...so happy it brings tears to my eyes, because I love him so much. I think I'd be so incredibly happy spending the rest of my days with him.

It is confusing being so young and not really know where my future is going. I never thought I'd be worrying about marriage and such when I was in college, but seeing as he wants to move out of the area...well far out of the area into other states and such it's like at some point the "where's this relationship taking us" conversation is going to have to pop up. I think he feels the say way about me too. It's pretty amazing to be with someone and see in their eyes...just how crazy they are for you. It's weird to know someone that well.

A couple of days ago when we were high we were having this interesting conversation and he was saying our relationship was so intimate--he felt as if he had grown up with me, and he had been to all those places I loved and hated and experienced, that he knew me so well that we could have have been life long friends, or we might as well been because he didn't think there was much about my life that he didn't know about, and he's pretty much right.

I remember one time I must have been looking at him pretty hard because he just smiled and stared right back and me and said "My girl loves me." And for someone to be so...presumptous to make that claim, to know what someone is thinking (and to REALLY know!). It's a good feeling.

Well, I think I'm going home to eat. :) Talk later! love, ag.