26 april 2001

I love you...I love being with you, I love having sex with you, I love talking to you, I can tell you anything, you are my best friend, I love you.

Ah, I don't think anything could be more satisfying and special to me than to have Jeff tell me that I'm his best friend. Because he's definitly mine. It's interesting how we just get stronger. The more I see him, the more I want him. I keep waiting for us to get bored of always doing the same thing--sitting around--but it never does. I am perfectly content to kiss him on the neck, run giggling around the room (him chasing me ;), complain about school, talk about design (it's his major), or to watch Conan on tv, not saying a thing, but softly rubbing my fingers through his hair.

School sucks. Repeatedly running into problems and frustration over not knowing how to do things and always feeling inferior to my fellow students has been running me down. But happily today I received my seven page paper back from my religion class and I got an 18/20. I hadn't realized the paper was so insignificant grade wise. I mean damn, that was a whole lot of reading/research/writing/stress for a mere potential 20 points. A quick glance around me saw two people with 14/20's, so yaa, i'm finally doing better than someone! Who care's if it wasn't that big of a difference (ahem, my 71% in spanish, and I saw at least five 92+ scores around me, bleh) but whatever. It's nice to finally see some hard work pay off. I mean, for real, sometimes it feels like I stress and cry over things, and I get shitty grades anyway. It's hard to make yourself get up and do it all over again when things are like that.

There's been some....er, I can't think of a word, not arguing, not gossiping, just....hmm, peeving? Is that a word? Basically super six is just busy running around and complaining about each other to each other. Since I'm a listener, and I'm always the one to point out "the other side" I've been getting both sides with a "don't tell her I said this, but...." It's sort of getting old, because I just don't care about things...I mean, I don't let most things bother me, and if they do, ol' diaryland gets to hear about them...not others. But for the most part, if I can "see the other side" for others, I think I do a reasonably good job trying to see it from other people's P.O.V.'s when it comes to my issues as well. (But maybe not. ;)

I've been unnecessarily been stressing about participating in a greek philanthropy thing. My boyfriend's fraternity puts on a week long philanthropy (*cough* party *cough*) and every sorority votes in a "spokesperson" if you will called a Derby Darling....the philanthropy is called Derby Days because it's the week before the Kentucky Derby.

Anyway, I was voted the Derby Darling, and the whole thing, is the sorority that raises the most money, or gets the most points from participating in things and showing support for Derby Days wins the week. There actually is some philanthropy stuff, but everyone knows the week more for the week long after hours the house puts on. It's got kind of a notorious reputation on campus, because it's kind of like, "hmmm, how do you raise money for charity by partying all week, again??"

But yeah. If anyone has been sticking with this, I actually met my boyfriend during Derby Days last year. So, it's sort of our "unofficial" 1 year annivarsary. As Derby Darling, I'm supposed to motivate the girls to participate and stuff and show the sigma chi's a good time. :) BUT, because of our strict National rules as well as a strict house in general, we can't really participate in any of the stuff, because it's always breaking some rule--either our national's or the college's. Bleh. There's all these restrictions on the greek system that got put into place this year, and it's pretty dumb. IF you're a non-greek, you basically have more choices, more freedom, and you probably get to party with fraternities more than the sororities do!!

So their philanthropy raising games are during the day...but at thier house. And since their house isn't dry (alcohol-free) we aren't allowed up there for the philanthropy. Er....they aren't registering their afterhours (which is illegal) and they also have this big plan so anyone who wants to go (in the greeks) can go (there's a ten girl rule, that only ten girls from each sorority can be up at the frat house.)

This is probably making no sense. ;) So yeah, we can't go to the day stuff, and I don't even know if the president will let us go to the after-hours at all---and if we do, it'll still only be 10 girls----except we get points for every girl we go, so we're going to be behind anyway. Ahhhhhh.

I just want to dance everynight, and be with my honey! So yeah, my lil week long annivarsary is pretty much getting ruined. And as Derby Darling, it's just making me look bad. But I figure Sigma Chi knows we are just the "rule followers" in the greek system (or "lame" if you will, by their words) so it won't be my fault.

I hope my grades are going to be okay this quarter. I really don't want to be under a 3.0---for the quarter or accum. Last quarter was a 2.7 and my accum is 3.34, so I just need to keep it.

Right now I have a C+ in Spanish, an A in Stats, an A in religion and a C in J/Comm. (haha, keep in mind I haven't had my midterms for stats or religion yet ;) So yeah, I'm going down.....