4 March 2001

It's amazing how you can be doing the same thing for ten months, but it just keeps getting better.

I wonder about sex, and the acts of premarital or waiting and the reasons behind it and if I think those who do wait are better for it, and I don't know.

There's something about really being in love with someone, because it does change, or it does get better. It just is...reassuring, in a completely secure way. I suppose the greatest thing to expect

(and live for) that love gives is trust and honesty. Sex can bring along so many feelings of insecurity, which makes it a dangerous thing to play with, but love really *is* security.

But it's taken me ten months of "practice" to work through the mysteries of understanding my body and another, and what's wonderful is there is so much more to learn. I'm not sure I would just want to jump into something like that with someone. Jeff and I have grown both from making love to each other. And we're still growing. I find myself, lately being overwhelmed with his body. Every piece of him I touch and admire, and want.

The date party was last night. An open bar.....at a fraternity date party with....one bartender.

Who's smart idea was that on the planning of this hotel? By the time you got through the line, you were finished with your drink. Because of this it took awhile for the party to warm up. The drinks were a bit watered down. Starting at 6:45 I began to drink, and four hours later, 12 drinks ingested, I simply felt "full" (imagine drinking 12 glass of pop) and not drunk. People were talking about going clubbing (the party ended at midnight) but I'm 19, and I know nothing is available for someone of my age on a Saturday night, at down town clubs/bars.

Besides. I didn't want to go out to a club. I wanted Jeff. :)

So we headed up to our hotel room, and just being in a room, knowing it was completely ours, not to be interrupted, it was hard just getting dressed earlier, because I just wanted to pull him to me and kiss.

The room was cold when we arrived upstairs, and we decided on a warm bath. Baths are lovely on any occasion. Leaning back into his arms, warm water around me, was even better. Not to mention an abundance of water never to run out, we enjoyed ourselves. Back out to the bed, round two.

I think I was actually going to cum when he apologized and relaxed. I think there will come a time, with progess, where orgasm will be a given during sex. (For both of us) but for now, and as it has been, just the act of it is enjoyable enough. The next morning he used his fingers to get me started, and we made love again.

He whispered into my ears how much fun Cancun will be.

I can't wait.

Anyone heard the new DMB cd? My roomie had a copy of it a week before it was released so we played it on overkill. It's different, but I like it. Especially since I've heard it so much, I think I like every song on the cd, but one.

One more week of school, three finals the following week, and off to Cancun I go.

I can do this.