Argh, Jeff is angry with me. I suppose I should have known better, but it�s so exhausting to keep secrets, hide the truth, and shift around a situation. I had told my mom awhile back that I would like to have a graduation party�one mostly for family, but I would be inviting friends too. (Let�s consider this more of a fundraising party, la la la). My mom was cool with that, and then she brought up the idea of Jeff and I hosting a co-party. Sounded fun to me, so I threw the idea out to Jeff and he seemed okay with it too.

Well, I graduate on June 13th, so it�s about that time to send out invitations and really get this thing planned. When my mom called his mom to discuss the details, his mom seemed a little hesitant about the whole thing, and said she�d get back with us. Well, Jeff�s family finally decided not to go through with it. I think it was a combination of factors that really led to the decision. Part of it was a mixed idea of what a �graduation party� involved. Initially, they wanted to back out because of cost�I think his family had some grand vision of renting out a place, etc. I was thinking of an open house at my family�s place with some finger food�not exactly a huge shindig, just a casual gathering of friends and family to celebrate us graduating.

Once that was cleared up (I think?), it became an issue of families mingling�how awkward would that really be? I imagine somewhat awkward�kind of a family reunion like conversation, �so how are you connected here?� But I didn�t think that would be a huge issue�I mean I�ve met most, if not all of his family, and same thing with Jeff and mine. So everyone knows who we are, and that we�ve been together for a while now. Jeff and I both know each other�s friends�both in college and the ones we are still in contact with from high school/growing up. So while friends may not know each other, it would all be manageable. I mean, when I went around to HS graduation parties I didn�t always know everyone either. It�s kind of like you stopped by, and if you wanted to stay for hours, cool, or if you just wanted to stop in for 10 minutes, it was fine.

Anyway. I think the ultimate decision was based on the fact that Jeff�s family is pretty small, plus his grandparents are unable to travel, so it would have just been Jeff�s immediate family (and maybe not even his brother if he couldn�t get away from school), a random aunt or two and then one other close family friend. Not exactly a raging party on their side. I think my family can be a little intimidating because there are so many of us. It feels like I have a million aunts and uncles and cousins and 2nd cousins, and so on. To be honest, I�m not all that close to most of them�people show up to things and even I don�t know who they are, haha. So Jeff not having the co-party was perfectly fine with me. I hoped he would come and spend most of it with me (don�t leave me alone with my family!!), but basically I felt �whatever� about the whole situation. I�m hoping to make a little $$$ out of this�if not, my family loves an excuse to come together so no harm there.

But I think my mom�s feelings may have been a little hurt, only because she doesn�t really know Jeff or his family all that well. It does seem strange that my parents and theirs have only met once, but on the other hand, we have different parents. Mine don�t really socialize�okay, so my mom does, but she has her own �lifetime� buddies that she goes out with and my dad�well, my dad plays tennis with some friends so he has his own thing too, but they don�t exactly have a couple they go out with, or even mutual friends they really like. Jeff and his �rents have another couple they go out and party with�it seems like every week ;) And his parents like to have a good time, going out to dinner/bars and drinking. My parents don�t drink. Not that you have to drink to have a good time, but it�s just a different level of socializing.

My mom argues they haven�t invited them out since then (when they first met)�.but they (my �rents) haven�t invited them either. Plus, Jeff�s parents go out to dinner a lot, or they will specifically invite me over to dinner�my parents never do that with Jeff. Or if my mom does, it�s so casual it�s almost an afterthought. Very rarely do my parents call me to come home for dinner then tell me to invite Jeff. Now, I do invite Jeff to my (plentiful!) family gatherings, and I would say he puts in an appearance at most of them, but he doesn�t really interact with my family/parents, it�s just me.

I have no idea what they really think of Jeff. I think mostly, they really don�t know him, so they can honestly say they can�t form a true opinion. I know I should invite him over more, but I don�t really like being with my mom, because we bicker, so basically if we go home�we go home to his place. And I think because I discuss my angst towards my mom with Jeff he kind of has formed a negative image of my mom. And my dad�well, dad�s just there ;) I think they know we�re serious, and that chances are we�ll probably get married at some point, so it�s not like they�ve ever shown disapproval or dislike�just indifference. I�ve heard them rave about my sister�s boyfriends before, but never Jeff. That does hurt, but like I said before, they really don�t know him. When he�s around he�s very polite and quiet and while that�s nice and respectful, it isn�t really personable. And Jeff is very personable. That�s what makes him so fun, is his goofy, down to earth personality. But my parents really have never seen that side, until���.

When my parents and his first met my mom was looking for some feedback, �What did they think of us, etc.�. Well, his parents really didn�t say anything to me about it. All seemed fine to me. Our brothers are practically twins (smart, but do poor in school, interests revolve around the computer and video games�oh yeah they�re 19!), and our parents appeared to manage fine; all the usual niceties, casual talk and what not. Nothing out of the ordinary, and nothing terrible or outrageous occurred. End of story, that was nice, huh mom and dad? When I asked Jeff what his parents thought, he said the same thing�that was nice, blah blah blah. Then he joked, �You can take the person out of the trailer, but you can�t take the trash out of the person� or some variant that went like that. He was COMPLETELY joking; he used that line all the time when someone was acting silly or dumb just to play around. Well, unfortunately, I joked back to my mom the line (he says it in this hillbilly voice, and while I know it sounds terribly stupid reading it, it�s actually funny)�and my mom flipped out. She was really hurt that his parents thought we were trailer trash or what not, and I didn�t mean it to be like that at all.

I didn�t think she would take it personally; it was just a random line that Jeff applies to just about everything. So I tried to console her and tell her his parents didn�t say that, and they don�t think that, and Jeff doesn�t think that, yadda yadda. No use, she thinks it anyway. So I know she was thinking about that line when his mom declined to go in with this graduation party.

Here�s where my mistake number two plays in�. Jeff asks me today if my mom was upset that they weren�t doing the party together. I told him it was fine, and that I was going to have one either way, it was just a suggestion to do it together. I also told him that she was probably disappointed though, because it�s still a form of rejection or what not, and I happened to throw in the bit about how I had told her months back about his trailer trash joke, and then Jeff flipped out! I was sitting on his lap on the couch, and his face completely darkened and he told me to get off of him, and to get out! Okay, wait, that sounds more dramatic and domestic violent like than what I meant. But he was serious about me getting away from him. He said he couldn�t believe that I had told me mom about it (obviously he knows my mom better than me, because I didn�t realize that she would take it personally, and he understood right away that my mom couldn�t take a joke). He said that I was continuously making him look bad in front of my mom (ahem, she knew we had sex before she had even met him), and that they probably didn�t like him as is, and he didn�t need that.

Ahhh, I felt so bad, I mean what can I do? I don�t even feel like I did anything, I�m sorry he said the joke, I�m sorry I repeated it, and I�m sorry Jeff knows. This happened SO long ago too (the whole joke thing), it�s no fair to have to go through this again--I had to go through it with my mom!

So basically at that point, Jeff stood up and went across the room and got on his computer and I�m left sitting on the couch, not exactly sure what to do. On my way out I asked him if he could forgive me and he just mumbled something. And that was that, and here I am. I didn�t realize it would be such a big deal to tell Jeff, I didn�t realize what kind of position I had put him in when I had told my mom about his comment awhile back. The whole thing is so dumb. His parents and mine are perfectly normal, middle class people, there is no �trailer trash� there is no dislike between them. They don�t have to be best friends just because Jeff and I are.