03 December 2001

Hi. Okay, so it�s been awhile.

But you saw my last entry, I don�t want to come in and tell stories like that again. Pointless and boring.

But�I suppose things have been happening, but after you tell so many people the story it doesn�t really have the same feel when you tell it once more (say to your diary). All of a sudden all those excited details start to fade, and what�s left is a forgettable tale wondering why it ever got told in the first place.

Where could I begin? The above story is about my Paul Oakenfold experience. So it�s the day after Thanksgiving and we were going to go up around 4pm so we could get there early and check out the bar life. But�as the day lingered on, Jeff�s friends couldn�t decide if they were going to go or not, and other concerns became more apparent. Like dress for example. (ha). I mean, I was going up in clubbing clothes (or at least something I would be cool in, ahem, a tank top,) that really isn�t appropriate for a bar�or really any other scene in the middle of November. So I was complaining to Jeff that I needed to know what to wear if we were going to go up early�or at least know if I should bring a change of clothes. And of course, since I�m not 21, I might not be able to get in anywhere, and yadda yadda, we didn�t leave until later.

It ended up just being one other friend who was going, but that was fine. We had been trying to snatch some pills, but were unable to. I guess for me, I wanted one, but if I couldn�t get one, I would still enjoy the show. But since we were going on a bit of a drive (should be a 2-2.5 hour drive) and we�d have to drive home after the show, some E would definitely allow us to take a less than sleepy ride home, and perhaps an after hours if we were really feeling it. About half way there, Jeff�s friend asks if we can pick up a friend of his. Um. I guess the fact that we had to pick up someone was fine, but because he took so long to get ready, we were already getting a late start, plus he should have told us before we left.

But whatever, all is well, right? Wrong. So, he didn�t even know where his friend lived, and when he called for directions, it was all a mess, and blah blah blah, it took us over an hour to find this kid, when it should have taken us 15-30 minutes. SO, we get there, and the friend says that he thinks he can get rolls, his �friend� would be there in 10 minutes or so�. So we wait more like a half-hour and he�s not answering phone calls, and basically is looking like a no show. So we decide to go.

Make it to Cleveland�did I mention that because we picked up the friend we were sidetracked from our original directions? Yeah, so we�re basically in downtown Cleveland trying to find a random club. Sure. But, since we knew it was in the Flats, we actually found it with some help of the locals. Find a parking spot, and walk to the club�

Er, wait, backtrack. Okay, so we drive past the club and let out Jeff�s friend and the guy we picked up so they could get tickets (they didn�t buy them ahead of time) and to my horror most people standing in line are wearing jeans and a collar shirt. Some were wearing sweaters.

Picture me in black pants and a sparkly tank top.

Lol. Okay, so I�m kind of feeling pretty insecure about what I�m wearing at this point. I mean, I understand that sometimes clubs when they have a �techno� artist out, the scene isn�t exactly it�s usual club fare, but I figured between the club kids and the �normal� club goers, I�d be fine. But these people weren�t even club kids. They were random Joes wearing jeans and t-shirt.

Whatever.

Okay, so we�re walking over, and I decide to just wear my wrap coat, even though I was pretty sure there�d be no where for me to put it. Anything to cover myself up, was fine. We get up there and fine out that they overbooked the place, and the fire marshall is there. Not only that, they aren�t letting any more people in, until people come out.

Er, so basically our friends with no tickets are screwed�and even though we HAD tickets, we couldn�t get in either! So our friends said they were going to go somewhere else (did I mention that they did have rolls, just WE didn�t? grr.) So there�s like 30 people standing outside in the freezing cold complaining. I guess I wanted them to help us somehow. Either tell us there�s no chance we�re getting in, or tell us when we�d be able to (and if it�s not until people leave, they need to give us a refund!). But they wouldn�t tell us anything�except that they didn�t give refunds!!

Finally, they tell us they�re going to let us into a VIP, but we�re not allowed out of VIP until they tell us we can. So at this point, we�re all thinking we�re getting some special benefit. Hahah, nope. They let us in to this crappy, cramped VIP that isn�t even playing the same music that Paul is playing. (that�s right, paul is already on, by the time we get into VIP.) Anyway, we are in a VIP completely across from where all the action is. It takes a small forever�with a couple scary threats from the bouncers�before we finally make it out of VIP. Ah, finally in the club! I�ve been pretty �upbeat� so far. I guess, we drove all that way, and paid 30 bucks for the tickets I wanted to stay positive. Jeff is of course pissed.

The unfortunate part, is that even though we�re down on the main floor now, the place is super crowded. No one is dancing, it�s just a big cube of people. And there�s barely any club kids. There�s a better mix of people wearing clothes like me (thank goodness) but there�s quite of few �normal clothes� types out there. Too many. I don�t know how you could go to a club in a sweater�I mean, I was dripping sweat, and I was wearing a tank top.

We kind of bully ourselves into the middle of the crowd, and I attempt to dance (more shuffle with the crowd). Jeff is disappointed because Paul is playing to our crowd (which sucked) so he in turn was playing more �mainstream� stuff, instead of new songs. Jeff said he wondered if �regular� people have just heard the name Oakenfold so much that when they hear he�s in town they go and see him�.even though they aren�t true lovers of the music. That�s too bad.

I love to dance, and techno is an amazing genre to really be creative, be yourself and just move to the music (and feel it deep inside of yourself�if you know what I mean.) I feed off other people, so crazy rave kids are my favorite. The more exploring and outrageous someone is, the better I am, and the better time I have. So here I have�a scene where I can�t dance, I can�t people watch, and even my baby isn�t having that good of a time. Disappointing, huh?

We�re only in there for 1.5 hours before it�s over. Since it�s 2:30am we figure our friends are waiting for us (since most bars close at 2). We leave, and head back to our car to wait.

And wait. Friends don�t show closer to 3:45. I�m freezing, tired, and all over frustrated. Jeff is just annoyed and mad. Finally drive back�get lost AGAIN trying to find this kid�s house (um, shouldn�t you know where you live)? I start driving after that. I think I only drove for an hour before Jeff finally got so exasperated with my driving (okay, so I was on my way to falling asleep at the wheel�so much so that I had a headache from shaking my head so fiercely to stay awake!) Jeff is mad again, because when he asks his friend to drive, he says he doesn�t want to.

Finally make it back home, and I once again almost fall asleep driving back after dropping off Jeff and his friend. Whew. I�m glad my city gives Oakenfold better respect than Cleveland does. His show here was so much better. Oh well.

It�s finals week now. I�m sick of studying. I think I�ve had a pretty laid back quarter. I mean I think I�ve worked hard, but hasn�t been as stressful as some quarters past. I wonder how next quarter will be. My guitar boys are playing tonight. I haven�t seen or heard them play in so long, but I couldn�t find anyone to go with me. It is kind of hard�.first day of finals, almost no one is finished with their finals on the first day and everyone is studying. Jeff told me he�d go, but he�s working on a project.

I need to make a lot of money this break. I hope I can. I don�t know if I�ll make it for a spring break trip, but I�ve got a weekend in both Chicago and Las Vegas in my future and I want to be able to enjoy my time there. Of course, there�s always Europe for this summer, but I don�t see how I�d have the money for that. I guess I have no problem taking out a student loan to go, because I think it�d be a memory that would stay with me forever. Besides, Jeff and I traveling for two weeks sounds wonderful. Once we�re out of college (and I�m assuming still together ;) we�ll have so many new expenses I�m not sure if we�ll get much time or chance to travel. Haha, and I have to travel, before I start having a family, so, er, we should do it now.

Haha, I know, I shouldn�t project so far. But even still, a trip to Europe for this summer would be great. Especially if we made it to Greece. I still feel�....kind of a hole in my heart for not ever making it there. I admit, having a car has been�so extremely nice, it does make you wonder how you could ever function without one.

In other news, and on a more serious, and slightly scary report, I had a pap smear/blood test taken three months ago that came back reporting I had rare red blood cells. La la la. So I was supposed to get a second pap done, which I did last Friday. I kept meaning to call my doctor when I got the report back from my initial pap smear to have her explain what all the doctor jargon meant, but part of me was in denial that it was an issue and second I just kept forgetting. So on Friday I got the low down. Basically the rare squamous cells they found could potentially be the virus that causes genital warts.

Hey, how�s that, for terrible news?! If you can believe I�m still in complete denial I am. I�m still convinced that my second pap will come back clear and beautiful and that was just some weird�er, yeast infection or something. I guess�I could see the guy I lost my virginity with to be kind of a dirty slut. But we did use condoms. Except for that first �kind of� virginity loss day. On the other hand, it could be from Jeff�who could have gotten it from his first sexual experience, but I was kind of under the impression it was their first time for both of them. Which means I got it from Chris, and I gave it Jeff.

BUT, my doctor told me that the symptoms don�t always show up for girls (ahem, the warts) but it does for the guy. So now that I�ve been sleeping with Jeff for over a year, shouldn�t he have symptoms? Because he doesn�t. And if he does�then I am one blind girlfriend.

So either I�m na�ve and don�t know what gen. Warts look like or�...maybe I don�t have anything�...and I have cancer.

Ugh.

Or maybe I don�t have anything, it was just a random scare, and I�m fine, and it�s nothing to worry about. Because I�m not. And I won�t. Until I know for sure.

In the meantime it�s like I want to say something to Jeff. But don�t want to say anything until I know exactly what�s going on.

Guess I�ll wait and see.