03 April 2002

Hi. So I went shopping with my mom yesterday. For my birthday I wanted my parents to buy me some "business" wear, specifically a suit. Basically, I figure I'm at the interviewing stage--and either way, I'm getting old enough that I really should have a nice suit (unlike that department store one I bought awhile back) that would last some time, look nice, and make me feel nice and professional in.

Since my mom is cheap I wasn't sure what she would be willing to spend. But once we got there we went to Banana Republic--wait, let me backtrack.

We go to the mall and I want to stop at a restaurant to fill out an application. The restaruant is in a busy location, plus the prices are upscale. I know "fah sho" that I would make lots of money here. I also heard they were hiring. So I go in, fill it all out then talk to some woman...

They have a meeting on a saturday at the end of the month, in which all their new servers will go to. It's in the morning and lasts a few hours. (That's okay..it's the day of my formal, but I can still do that.) Then she goes on to say they have traning Mon, Tues, Wed. from 9-5. AHHH!

I mean, I just can't be missing all that school. That's a whole week! On the otherhand, my job now just isn't cutting it. At this point, unless if i can get a paid internship, I don't really know where I would look for work. Serving is going to be the place where I can make some money. So, I can't decide what to do. My classes...seriously, I don't think it would be bad to miss them, but they do take attendance and I would miss points for that. I just....I'm such a "do-gooder" and that would really suck to miss all those lectures plus be behind points wise. I also have papers due those days, so i'd have to get it finished extra early if that would be an option--i'm not sure what the teachers will say. I guess I should ask, but i'm afraid they'll just say "i can't help you" or something equally annoying.

I mean, as a teacher I can't tell someone they should go to work instead of class, because that's their problem and not mine. I just don't want to be out of lecture notes AND attendance points. So what do you think i should do? By making the restaurant switch I would be making a *significantly* higher income!

Oh yeah, did I tell you I got another 4.0? Haha, well, even if I had it's always fun to brag :)

So...back to Banana. I tried on a bunch of stuff. It was funny, because the first thing I tried on was way too big all over. (I'm a 7/8..so how would I know I'm a 6..sometimes 4 there?) I think that's dumb how nicer stuff always says you're smaller. It doesn't make me feel any smaller...that just means everyone else is a size zero there! I don't know, it must work or why else does Express, and other places do it while the dept. store lists the "right" sizes? But I felt like a kid playing "dress up". I eventually bought a skirt, jacket, pants and a top to wear under the jacket. Rounded out to about 250 I think. That was nice of my mom! :)

The manager was helping me find stuff and dressing rooms. He looked young. Maybe 22-24, and attractive. Almost like a Sigma Chi (obviously well dressed because it's Banana) but he also was pumped up and tan, with styled hair. Not really my type, but he's the type of guy, that you can call one of "those" guys who thought he had it all ;) Now we were flirting with our eyes from the moment I came in. It's kind of silly, with my mom there an all, but you can't help sparks ;)

Haha, so at the end, we were talking at the register, just about school, partying, spring break, etc. He told me I "Looked really good" in the things I was trying on, and (lol) I couldn't tell you how "tickled" I was by it. I was so simply flattered, and it was obviously a cheesy flirty comment, but it felt so nice.

It's sad, because Jeff can tell me I look good when I look terrible (and I think he means it everytime), but it loses some of the affect, when you get it all the time. It was kind of a nice reminder from a stranger that I "still have it." haha, ah, sorry, I'm sure I sound really floaty here.

On the next thought...I feel really disconnected from my girls. I know part of it is my own fault--I isolate myself often when it comes to going out and forming all those "sisterly" bonds--I'm always with Jeff. But it seems even about the general things, I don't seem to exist. Girls will come in to ask Heidi if they wanna go downstairs to eat dinner (but they don't ask me). Tonight, Heidi and Jenny walked out to go to DQ, didn't mention a thing to me, (Jenny lives across the hall from us). I stand up and yell after them, asking where they're going. I felt like such a tag-a-log asking if I could go too.

Then I felt like a try-hard trying to really join the conversation. It is hard when everything the people are laughing and joking about you aren't "in" on and don't get. It covers a time you weren't around, and it does hurt. These are supposed to be my best girlfriends. And Jenny sent Heidi a post card while she was on spring break...but not me. And it's dumb, because I feel like I'm in middle school...i'm jealous of Heidi.

I used to think of Heidi as my best friend in the sorority. It is clearly obvious that Jenny and Heidi are. I'm not sure where that leaves me. And I'll say it right now, i've always been the type of girl to just have one or two close friends...just that now, Jeff is that friend, and the rest...I don't know how they even think of me.

I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that I want to become better friends with my girls, so I'm going to try to make an effort to go out more with them. It just sucks, and kind of hurts right now. :(