26 July 2000 (Wed.)

Hello. I heard you missed me. (I love that kind of an email...I have groupies. Haha.)

As my brother laughed with me, he said it was, "mIRC all over again." Ah. I used to have a little "chat" problem. I discovered mIRC (internet relay chat, for those who don't know) back before I had even roamed a website. (Actually, I used to talk over a microphone to people....before I even ever chatted, by typing.) My family always was a step ahead of everyone when it came to computer stuff. But anyway, over IRC (once you scrolled down the "I want to suck your clit"* subject lines) you might find a little place I called home. Haha. I used another nickname, but it was my own channel and eventually I had my own little following (that's kind of scary, actually. But I was only 13, I didn't know any better.) Sometimes I would get on, and people would already be there.

That means they got on. Created a channel using *my* name, and had the power over the place and everything. I would have to get on and asked to be....

Wait, what was it--"OP"?ed? Operation maybe? I don't think I ever did figure out what that meant. Either way, it meant you had power to "kick, block, and what not..." to the users who visited. But anyway. I haven't gotten on IRC since my sophomore year of HS.

Eventually, i grew up, and grew out of all my "friends" (although no doubt, they were there for me as cheesy as that sounds, a lot of the time I needed someone to talk to.) I enjoy email, and AIM at times. I guess I got more out of real life. Haha but speaking of the words clit and slit, I had no idea what they were.

Shhhh. Do you want to hear something funny? (hehe) I always thought people were just typo-ing "tit" how funny is that? Yep. It's good to be naive.

I watched Animal House tonight. A supposed classic, and being the movie queen, as well as a Greek kid anyway, I felt it was well past my due to watch it. I've rented it from the library three times now, so I'm happy I can stop checking it out every time I go! It was pretty funny.

I watched Office Space last night over at Jeff's. He just got a DVD player. That movie was really great, I think everyone can relate to what they were feeling!! Jeff was darling like usual. About 30 minutes before I have to be home for curfew we decide to start making out.

Of course, I realized as he's sucking my nipples and I'm indiglowing my watch behind his head, and trying to catch a glance at the watch, is what that really means is that I need to start putting my self back together by 2:45, and leaving by 2:50. Yeah right.

Not that we have to have sex. I didn't even think we were going to. We were enjoying just watching movies (also watched lock stock and two smoking barrels...) and messing with each other. We like to play-wrestle, and just roll around and giggle. We're stupid like that. ;) But all of a sudden we are kissing, I'm going down on him, and we can't scoot, scuffle and get our pants off fast enough.

I noticed lately we've been having sex with our shirts on, and his pants around his ankles. (I need more movement, so I make sure *my* pants are completely off--although a couple times back I did have *one* shoe on. Now that was weird, haha.) But usually, we have sex, enjoy each other, cool down, and by the time we leave we're dressed, and little less at the heightened moment of.....uh, "yeah, baby, yeah.." But with such little time, and not really enough time to be doing anything, it was pretty silly that we even tried, but as soon as we did, I knew I wouldn't leaving in enough time to get home by three.

I left *at* three. (Thank goodness he lives so close. I was home by 3:05--with some help of a little speeding--and mom didn't say anything.)

But seriously, that was the best sex I've ever had. I've never left feeling like such a slut, overwhelmed with lust, my body still tingling, my brain still gushing.

I haven't been sleeping very well.

I haven't been waking up on time either. I swear it's an alarm issue. But maybe it's just me. Either way...I'm not making it to work on time. So far, it's been "hey you were late..." and maybe a little joke about it by the managers with a "stern look". But nothing bad. But I mean, I was 1.5 hours late on Sunday, and...like this morning, I got there before the restaurant opened, but I was still 30 minutes late getting there. Missed our shift meeting--and we have a new General Manager (he just started...uh, on Sunday.) Not exactly a good track record with the guy, ya know?

Luckily, I already know him. He used to bartend/supervise when I worked there back in early '99. Guess he's moved up in the world, if he's made it to general managing. Basically that makes him the big dawg of our location restuarant. That's pretty good. He's a sweetheart, and he's a young guy. (A great change from our "antichrist" GM of past, haha, uh, yeah, i mean she's a really nice woman....) He told me today though that he would be on my butt watching me. That he, "liked me especially but he didn't know why."

Yeah, it's cuz i'm cute.

Haha, j/k, I looked *SO* disgusting this morning. Never have I left and gone in public looking as I did today. I mean, you know when you first wake up, you're already a little puffy and red? I seriously woke up, looked at my watch, put on my restaurant clothes, and left. Didn't wash my face. Didn't put on the cover-up (did I mention a recent acne issue? ;) didn't even brush my teeth. I also have super straight hair.

(It looks great when clean.)

Hehe, but if you have straight hair, or know people who have it, it's so completely important to wash your hair everyday. I think it starts looking greasy after like a partial day. (Probably why I have straight hair to begin with...) So yeah, greasy hair, puffy skin, red zits, dirty all around. Gross. I'm so glad it was all girls on duty downstairs. I just couldn't handle being around guys and having to work a shift looking so gross. I mean, it got better. As I woke up, got some blood flowing, I probably looked just like I usually do (I don't really wear make up) but I always wash my hair. Going out with dirty hair, can seriously give me a bad day.

Is this superficial day? Can I admit it? I am. I mean, I don't think anymore than the normal person is, though. I don't go on and on about it, in "real" life. This is a diary, it's sort of a darkest insides kind of a thing, or not. But yeah, i hate it that my skin is acting up, and when I have to go out with greasy hair. I think most people could agree it's not a good confidence builder.

I've got a terrible headache. Nothing has been going on. That's why there's been no updates. I have "deep thoughts" with myself. I usually talk to myself on my car drives. I need a tape recorder. They always seem so logical, and wonderful as I work out my thoughts aloud.

I should say something intelligent. Something to make me think, you think (we all think for...icecream.) I am PMS-ing so hardcore it's not even funny. I watched Surviver for the first time today and cried when "Jenna" got to read a letter from her family. Oh geez, Aglaia. And I can't stop eating. I want to eat forever. Forever.

I had to buy another skirt today for work. (Sigh.) I got a terrible ink stain on my other one so that kind of sucks. This one is a little "tight" though. I guess I'm busting out the thong tomorrow.

Let's see how Tommy likes that. (He's the GM).

I'll be heading to Washington D.C. on the 31st. (Wanna get a hook up Scud, I don't know how we could do it though...?) I can't even imagine meeting a d-land person. What a fucked up experience. You create these people in your mind. Or maybe you don't even create them at all. Like they aren't even faces, or people, or anything. It's just words. But you think they are people and you think you know them (you don't.) and somehow no matter what, it's always going to be too twisted for me to get to know someone through words, before I get to know them through sight.

I can go from sight, and you can save me through words. But no matter how wonderful you are if you grasp me with language and thoughts, then throw me into a picture that I wasn't ready to see, or had created differently in my mind, it's like...I can't really ever forgive the image I see. That's why for me, it's so hard to believe in internet love. I know it actually can happen. But....I just, it would be really hard for me to meet and see someone and actually be in a phsycial "real life" relationship with them. I've met a couple of people off the internet before. They weren't really good experiences.

Even seeing a picture can be a downer. Not that you have to be something stunning or beautiful. But can we go for nice/normal looking? Opposed to the classic grody nerd, or wha- the f*ck funky? No offense. I can meet someone, and not be attracted to them at all, and they can win me over with humor or a great mind. But I just can't do it the other way around. You want them to be as beautiful on the outside as you have already created them, and it's like a dream crashing, that you can't ever really wake up from.

But maybe I'm wrong. I wouldn't completely say it couldn't happen for me.

Do you ever try to imagine yourself marrying the person you are dating? Try to figure what kind of relationship you would have. How you would raise the kids, what the home life would look like?

Me either.

God, I'm tired. I never want to work a morning again. I just want to get a tan, draw a self-portrait, read a book, write a screenplay, "get real" with someone, and make some decent cash when I serve. Yeah, and get some clear skin. 'night.