10 January 2000

I am so happy! Maybe it's talking about guitar boy's performance at Snow Trails coming up this Saturday. Maybe it's Angie saying I have a good voice, and I could be up there with them. Or maybe it's because Amanda (theatre girl) is going through formal RUSH.

Amanda as my sister? God would we have fun together! I better "get my prayer on" (sorry it's a joke Jeff does that can refer to anything....you went tanning? you "got you tan on") yeah, anyway.....so yeah, start praying for Amanda to choose my house, as well as my house choose her! I'm going to spread the name around, I want my girlfriend in!!!

HAha, it's so dumb, and wonderful. I was walking home after class with this huge smile and choking skipping bubbles of excitement just rippling through me. (I get like that ;) It just feels like "fate" if you will that it's all happening like this. Lord, she's a beautiful girl, with a wonderful heart, an open mind and I think she could be a potentially very close friend of mine if the situation was placed right.

Obviously, her becoming one of my sisters would give me that opportunity!!

Everyone needs to go download Radiohead's "True Love Waits" song. It's a live song...it says its rare--but i wonder if since the copy was made it's been on an album or something? I'm terrible with keeping up with music and stuff. I'll buy great cds years after they first came out, i'm so backwards! Anyone know? Anyway, it's a lovely song, and I like it. (and so should you :)

So yeah, I worked out last night. My girls are all pressuring each other to get in shape for Cancun. I feel like I'm living in this generic girl world. Hey, I'm human and I like to point out my bodily flaws from time to time, but a constant every day pounding of "i'm fat", "look at these thighs", pulling at your love handles, grabbing at your skin on your belly....

Yeah, yeah, I know! And yeah yeah, you know! But please, I don't want to develop a bad body image (because we're all thin people really) and I don't want to feel bad every time I eat (because I'm not going to eat salad every day for every meal okay?). So I wish they would all just shut up. I snapped at Heidi last night, and was sort of rude about it, but please. Be quiet already!

We just worked out damn it, let it be!

So yep, but I felt good about it. Did this stair stepper thingy for 20 minutes, then this bike thing for another 20. Not much, and probably only burned like 300 cals total, but I do it for the conditioning and the pep start metabolism than anything else. If I could just keep it up, all would be well!

Ha, last night, I'm sitting in my bed complaining how I wasn't going to be the one who always calls (Jeff) so I was just going to wait for him to call.

Five minutes later he calls. La.

I think we're going to see each other tonight. I wonder how his penis is doing. I hope he's better now. Although, let's say it isn't, or doesn't...I mean how does a bacterial infection really work? Can it go away on its own, or does it need treatment?

Because, I just started my period today. Could that "flush" out the infection? Or whatever I have? You know, by the time I'm completely done with my period, and Jeff and I actually see each other it will have been like two weeks since we've had sex. That's a long time for us! ;)

Later on that night....

We are just full of giggles and loving. I got burnt from the tanning bed, and he was putting on aloe all over my back. It felt so nice.

I think he probably wanted to have sex, but I told him I was tired and he took me home. It was getting late by that point. I didn't get to bed until a little after 2am...and if we had started sex at that point, he probably would have gotten to bed closer to around 4 ;) Of course....I probably would have been the one persuing if it weren't for the red tide of course.

And i have to work today (Thursday--or the next day at this point in the story) so I didn't want to be all sleepy when I headed off to work.

So here I am, still exhausted of course. Yep, don't get my full 9 hours that I've been getting lately, and my body gets upset!

I've been getting the worst heart palpatations lately. Yesterday was terrible. Sharp pains not only under my left breast, but through my collar bone, and later on that night, the pain spread to spotting all over my stomach. No me gusta! Then I woke up this morning in the shower, to a really powerful one. I don't know what's up. I think it's pretty regular for them to pick up right before my period. I don't remember them, while I was on my period though.

Boo.

I wish Jeff could go up to Snow Trails with me to see guitar boy. Or at least Heidi or someone. But no one can/wants to go up there. C'mon guys, skiing! It's just a bad weekend, or I guess....it's better than it could be, but there's always an excuse. Truthfully I probably shouldn't be spending the money to go either. But it's a real show for them, and I would love to hear 'em play.

Spanish class is so humiliating.

Why me?