Let's step back a minute and I'll share what's been going on in my life these past few months. I realize my last entry was in November and I wish I would have stopped in more since then. To not have my annual "ending and beginning" is inexcusable and I'm sad I didn't take the time to capture my thoughts and wrap up what had occurred all year because 2006 involved a lot of changes in my life.

But, I haven't had a lot of time to just sit and be still and think through my life (even thought I know these 'therapy' sessions are helpful and beneficial) and so I chose easy outs like TV and internet surfing over introspective ramblings.

The holidays were good and I was glad to see that my dad [appeared] to be handling the death of his mother so well. I think it really was a peaceful passing for him and it relieved both a burden and an ongoing worry that he carried with him about her health and well-being. My brother and his (very new) wife just had a baby --the first grandchild in my immediate family --and the first awakening of me as an Aunt.

It felt really strange to not be there with him when something so life changing was occurring. I was hoping he would come home for Christmas with the baby but they didn't want to travel so soon with a newborn and they stayed home. My parents flew out there in early December. Oddly, my sister and I made tentative plans to visit him early this year. Without talking to me she booked a flight in January and went out to see him. I wouldn't have even known about it if I hadn't heard about it through my parents. Doesn't that seem odd? I had told her I had the FF miles and everything to make the trip.

Anyway, I was busy with work so it was fine that I didn't go but it would have been nice to get out there and see the new baby. I've tried to be a good Aunt and have sent many little cards and gifts. I know the baby isn't aware of any of it but I hope my brother sees that is important to include your family. It's sad because I have a feeling I'll just be another creepy relative that my nephew doesn't know and I'll say things like "ooohh, look how much you've grown!"

December was a good month for me in the gifts department. I received a nice raise, a big bonus and a lot of verbal compliments from my supervisor and our executive director. They impressed on me how happy they were, and how they wanted to be the folks to help lead me to fulfilling all of my potential. It was actually a very flattering experience. I know I'm a hard worker so it's nice to know that I am appreciated. I also know that even though I'm getting what I "deserve" (in a good way!), I don't want to take for granted that all company's treat their staff so well.

I knew my bonus could help financially support me (I was still dipping into the savings most month...sadly, one cannot keep overspending forever..), especially with the new car payment and increased insurance. But, even more, I knew it could take me on a vacation. My last "real" vacation being my trip to Argentina in 2004. I felt it had been long enough and I wanted to really go somewhere and do some traveling.

Jeff and I looked around and finally settled on a trip to Europe (neither of has been) to Amsterdam and Paris for three nights in each. I was really excited about the trip for many reasons --opportunity to travel, get away from work and spend quality time with Jeffrey.

We left for Amsterdam on February 16, arriving the next day on Saturday. I was really surprised with how beautiful the city was. It's very clean and I enjoyed the architecture. I especially adored the canals which definitely added to the "European charm" effect (isn't that what us tourists are looking for??). Our hotel was in a pretty good location although there were some seedy looking shops nearby. I had planned some museums I wanted to see but Jeff seemed more interest in simply walking around.

We've had arguments in the past about how I try to plan everything (absolutely not true --I swear!) so I didn't push anything. I was happy to walk around and take in the city anyway. I was always amazed how we would wander aimlessly with little attention paid to maps or streets but somehow we always found our way back to the hotel without trouble. Every time we walked out our hotel we took another street or a different direction. It made the experience a lot of fun and we got to see a lot of the city.

There is of course the infamous red light district. I came with no expectations so perhaps that's why it didn't surprise me. Sure there are some half-naked ladies in the windows (strangely, all appeared to be foreign, 40ish, out of shape and wearing unattractive mismatched bras/underwear --seriously, if you're hitting up the sex shops you are really desperate).

The very first day I felt very nervous about doing any drugs. I knew there was a practice of "tolerance" that made it acceptable in the various coffee/smart shops but I didn't want to succumb to some cheesy tourist clich� where we found ourselves in Amsterdam just to get high.

...not that I didn't plan on doing it. I just felt odd doing it out in public. I think Jeff was ready to go as soon as we started walking but we held off. Too, we were going to meet up with one of Jeff's friends (an online DJ friend who he had done some freelance graphic design work for). The friend had already shared he didn't do any type of drugs so neither Jeff or I wanted to show up under the influence.

His friend which we later met up with along with his girlfriend was a real sweetheart. Both were young (she 20, he 23) and were very accommodating and hospitable (they even gave us a gift basket full of "Dutch" goodies)! We actually drove out to Rotterdam (sp?) outside of the city to grab some dinner and take a drive around.

I felt really bad because I had no idea how long the drive would be (45min+ each way) and it was getting pretty late when we headed out. I enjoyed spending the time with the couple, though, and learning a little Dutch while at it. At one point the conversation turned a bit political though. I don't think the guy realized he was making Jeff and I uncomfortable (or being inappropriate IMO). Everything from Jews to other minorities it really made me cringe.

And is just me but what the heck is up with everyone hating on Jewish people? I am so removed from this prejudice it completely confuses me. Anyway...

The next day we stopped into our first coffeeshop. We bought an ounce of weed not knowing you could buy less. This was really much more than we needed. Next we stared blankly at the vaporizer provided.

Ummm, how does one use this again? So after some casual waiting around until someone at a neighboring table used the contraption (we spied :-) we enjoyed some smoke ourselves. We bought what was supposed to be a light high. Something you could still walk around on and be "normal" but would give you a light body buzz. I didn't really get much off of it.

Later we stopped in at a smartshop. Ha, this is what I was really interested in. I had tried mushrooms twice in the past. My first time being absolutely amazing. The second time being less than satisfactory. If they were all like the first time...then I would recommend (perhaps urge, haha) you to try them.

I figured, if there was a place to buy really great mushrooms then Amsterdam has to be it. Alas, not such much.

The shop we found had a cool little mushroom logo on the outside of it (reminded me of a Nintendo mushroom) and the guy inside seemed knowledgeable (ahem, well experienced). After a few questions and some background as to what we had done/experienced before we left with a purchase of Columbian mushrooms (paid on a CC no less!).

The plan was to split a box between the two of us. The funny thing is both Jeff and I despise mushrooms. In the past, had I found a mushroom in any dish I was thinking about eating it would prevent me from trying it (they infect everything, plus, what if you accidentally ate one--yikes!).

So the first battle was...how are we going to get these down. We stopped for dinner and enjoyed some pizza at a restaurant near our hotel. We took the leftovers with plans of layering the mushrooms on the pizza--even though this was still a disgusting idea.

The first time I saw someone eat mushrooms (sigh, Ryan) he sandwiched them on bread and peanut butter. I was thinking that has to be the best way to go. The stickiness and the bread help hide the texture and the peanut butter has such a strong scent and flavor it would be another good mask.

Back to the task we're back in the hotel trying to will ourselves to eat the mushrooms. Besides being a fungus these guys are especially nasty looking. In all honesty they didn't have much of a taste. I knew it was more 'mind over matter' but the heads on these things looked liked monsters so it was hard to do it.

After consuming the mushrooms we weren't sure what to do. In case if we were weird we didn't want to go out to the streets. On the other hand, there we were prisoner in this tiny hotel room, trapped with nothing to do. There was a Dutch version of MTV that spoke a lot of English so we watched that. Ugh, I was so done with music videos after Amsterdam!

Later I felt a little queasy but wasn't getting any of the fun affects. I just felt overpowered and uncomfortable more than anything. Jeff was able to get some visuals and later, perhaps, I had some as well. Overall, though, I would say the experience was a bust.

The following day (later after spending another day walking around) we bought some more at another store. The next type was supposed to be stronger and we each had a box to ourselves.

Haha, we were both so wound up about having to eat a whole box of mushrooms. It's funny how we were both more concerned about how we were going to stomach the mush. rather than focusing on what could happen after eating them!

These were a little better. We had stopped at another coffeeshop along the way and had purchased a pipe to enjoy our smoke back at the hotel. I think the smoke helps bring out the mushroom affects (plus, it helps kill the time while you're waiting for something to happen). While I wasn't having any life changing experiences and my visuals were less than spectacular Jeff and I did enjoy a bunch of giggles and some fun conversation. At one point, Jeff did get a bit emotional, even tearing up, saying he was scared to put himself out there and make new friends because of the risk of rejection (how after-school special, I know) but it was really sweet and it was nice that he was able to share that with me.

Jeff seems so comfortable in who he is and what he's about that it's refreshing to hear him speak of his vulnerabilities. I think he's come to a realization that some of his friends...are not all about the things he's into (uh, not drugs, but music and art) and that it is time for him to reach out and find a new community.

That even at this age when we're beyond most superficial thoughts of what people think about us it doesn't change that you still worry about if people will like you or not.

Well, I know this is getting long and I've barely discussed anything about the trip. I promise (yes, I will be back soon) to share the rest of the trip.

...and about how I want to get married.

Haha.
Flashback time...

One year ago...I was [la la la] trying to break up with Jeff.

Two years ago....ooh this one is a goody with Jeff having just received the job in Chicago and I had just finished up my second conference and gone to my first interview in Chicago.

Three years ago I had just completed my first conference.

Four years ago blah, blah, blah.

Five years ago...hey, I wasn't having sex then either!

Six years I was really happy with my life.
Seven years ago I was preaching .